Hard times

Today is one of those days. I'm having a down day where I'm really struggling with the feelings that come with infertility, not being pregnant, and not having a baby yet. I don't want to carry this burden, learn this lesson, or deal with any of the reasons why God has chosen me for this struggle. My heart is just really heavy and really hurts right now. I want to have my beautiful family and give my husband a reflection of himself. It's also difficult not knowing the future. I'm positive that God wants me to be happy and for all of my deep desires to be fulfilled and I know he will bless me with a family. But how long will I have to wait and is this promised family going to come in the package that I really desire it to? I don't know. I have so many questions and just wish that God could sit down with me and let me in on His secrets. I also think what makes things more difficult is being stagnant. Things seem like they are easier to deal with when I'm working on a specific game plan and actively doing something towards my goal. Tomorrow I go for my day 3 blood work and then I'm allowed to schedule a follow up appointment. Here's to hoping I can get in soon and that I will get nothing but happy news.