Approaching appointment
My appointment for the fertility specialist is getting closer (It's on August 12th) and I'm getting excited and nervous. I'm excited because I'm hopeful that they will have a treatment plan that we will be on board with and that will be covered by our insurance (IVF and stuff like that isn't) and I'm nervous because I don't want them to tell me that our only chance is something that we can't afford right now or for them to recommend Lupron again. I really really don't want to do that. I felt so horrible on Lupron & to some extent still do. The side effects were truly horrible and got worse past my last entry. Let me just say that hot flashes and night sweats suck and those were the least of my problems! I'm also nervous that due to my recent issues and hospitalization that they will tell me I need to wait awhile. The time before my husband goes on deployment again is a ticking time bomb. They keep changing which deployment they want him to go on (his entire unit doesn't deploy at once. They have numerous 'detachments' and so someone is constantly deploying) and it could be anytime from September to January and he will be gone for about 7 months. Don't even get me started on that. I don't want to be without my husband for 7 months! He's my rock and I hate being away from him. Add on top of that desperately wanting to get pregnant before he leaves so that I don't have to put things off for another 7 months and you have one stressed mommy wanna-be! So right now I'm going to let go and give it to God. Well, that's my goal. At the very least I'll have a good conversation with God and pray for myself to not get so stressed and worry filled.
On hold again
This will be very short because I'm not feeling well. I went in for my hiatal hernia repair on monday, had some complications after surgery and I ended up in the hospital for 6 days with most of it being in the ICU, very sick, with the doctors not being able to figure out what's wrong and how to get me better. It has been a very, very scary week. I'll fill in more details later on as I feel better. But, the basics is that my body is too worn down right now and has been through too much, so my husband and I have decided to hold off on any more Lupron shots and any trying to conceive until I'm feeling better and my body has had a chance to fully heal. It's always difficult emotionally to have a setback, but I'm okay with it right now because I need the break. I'll still be checking in with all of you as I have the strength and I'll write more when I can.
Inspiring scripture
Last night I had a rough night with another attack of severe pelvic pain. I thought that the pain with Lupron was only suppose to last the first few days, but here I am almost due for my 2nd shot, still having waves of pain. It was really bad and to top it off my breasts were killing me. The pain even spread out to the lymph nodes in my armpits. My trusty heating pad helped some, but I was really starting to lose it and felt like I couldn't take it anymore.
I opened up my bible to the subject guide and began looking for verses on pain. I came across James 1:2-8. I have a NIV bible, so it reads...
I opened up my bible to the subject guide and began looking for verses on pain. I came across James 1:2-8. I have a NIV bible, so it reads...
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does".
WOW! This speaks to me in so many ways. First off, I've always felt that I was going through this trial for a reason and that perhaps God was whispering to me that it was to build my faith and my "completeness" (I don't know if that's the correct word to capture what I mean, but I hope you understand where I'm coming from) as a christian woman. It also helped me ride through this pain and to consider it a pure joy. These verses also spoke to me because out of the million times that I've prayed to God to bless me with a child, always in the back of my mind I'm thinking "but He's not really going to bless me with it, I'm not worthy, it's not actually going to happen". I pray that I can find the strength to not doubt and to not be double-minded. God wants to bless me with a child. I know He does. He wants to "give generously to all without finding fault". I just need to believe Him and stop listening to the negativity that the devil tries to spread. Thank you Lord for leading me to this truth!
A big relieving day!
Today I went to meet with my surgeon (see the details here) and I feel so much better now! My surgery is officially on for Monday! He made me feel so much better about the potential side effects and best of all.... DRUM ROLL PLEASE... he said that there would be absolutely no problem with me getting pregnant right after this surgery and that in fact I could get pregnant the day after and it would be fine (if only it could be so easy). AHHHHHH I'm so relieved. I really didn't want to have to decide between this surgery and getting pregnant. My husband also feels a lot better. While we were waiting for the doctor to come in the room he was going off about how he didn't want me to have this surgery, didn't think it was a good idea, and didn't want me to end up worse off than I am now. After meeting with the doctor he feels so much better as well and feels secure that everything is going to be great! The resident that was also there for the appointment told me that he's been in my same place when it comes to ttc. That made me feel good. I always like to find people with a common bond. Now I just wish that I would have thought to ask him if he ever ended up having a baby.
So today I had to all of the checking in hoopla that you have to do prior to a surgery and part of that involved talking with the anesthesiologist nurse. She was reviewing my medication list and asked what I was taking Lupron and Norethindrone for, so I informed her that it was for endometriosis/fertility treatment. She said "oh as soon as you take your mind off of it you'll get pregnant". Hahahaha I didn't know whether to laugh at her or yell at her. I'm so sick of hearing that! People need to tell that directly to my uterus! Then I had to go to the hospital lab for a type and screen and today was OB clinic day, so the lab and surrounding area was filled with pregnant women and newborn babies. That was so hard. I had to keep my jealousy reined in so that I wouldn't embarrass myself by crying in public. Distraction is a useful thing!
I definitely feel God working in my life and His presence. I'm happy that I'm able to have this surgery and that I'm going to the new fertility clinic on August 12th! Everything is coming together. I feel so hopeful and excited. I haven't felt this way in awhile. Next comes baby!
Distractions
Lately, more than ever, my mind has been totally consumed and dominated with thoughts of having a baby, trying to conceive, endometriosis, Lupron, how much treatment I'll have to do, is it going to happen... and the list goes on and on and on. This has caused non-stop internet searching to try to find out as much information as I can and to become as knowledgeable as I can. While I agree that knowledge is power, it has taken my focus off of God and his calming spirit and has turned me into an emotional wreck. Not to mention my emotional state is already a roller coaster with being on Lupron.
So, yesterday I decided that I needed a mental break. While it's embarrassing to admit, I love crafts. When I was about 11 years old in exchange for crocheting lessons I helped an old lady clean her house every week. My husband always makes fun of me when I break out my needles and yarn. I love to be creative and to make different things or do something artsy, included in this is my love of cooking. I especially try to do something along those lines if I'm stressed or going through difficulties. I definitely get it from my creative and artistically blessed mother. Yesterday I decided that I needed to take my mind off of things and make something and my cats (we have a dog & two cats) gave me the perfect idea.
They love to take their afternoon nap anywhere that is dark, covered, and safe. My one cat, Juneau, decided to tear holes in the underlining of our couch and to sleep under the frame. My other cat, Skyy, would always nap under the day bed that we had in our 2nd bedroom. Recently we sold that bed because we thought we were going to be moving to a smaller place (that ended up not happening, thank you God), so now my one cat is bedless and has been forced to sleep under our comforter & I would very much like for the other cat to stop destroying our couch. So I made them a little cat house. I didn't have the time or the means to go buy a bunch of supplies, so I used what we had around the house.
I took a cardboard box and completely duct taped it so that the structure could have some additional support, then I put down double sided carpet tape, measured, cut, & applied the carpet (we had an extra roll of carpet in our closet). I actually ran out of the carpet tape when I was 3/4 done so I kept the remaining carpet down with my hot glue gun and glued down any loose edges as well. I then measured and cut out the center hole and put some carpet down on the inside. I still need to clean up the edges so that they are more blended, but I'll do that later (my uncle who is a contractor suggested that I hot glue gun 3/8 rope on the edges). Then I measured and cut an old hand towel we have and duct taped/hot glued the top edge to create a little curtain to give them more security. Normally I wouldn't have added the towel because I think it looks better without it, but my cats seriously like to sleep being totally surrounded. So... without further delay, here is my cat house.The cats love it!
On to other news, my ob/gyn office called me today and they have me set up with an appointment at the fertility specialist's office on August 12th. I'm really excited and nervous and I can't wait to find out what kind of treatment options they recommend and how good they think my chances are.
I called my doctor today and left them a message to call me back with what stage of endometriosis I have and for them to mail me my surgical report. I know that they gave me this info before, but I can't remember what they said and haven't thought to ask them since. I know that sounds bad, but I have been so focused on everything else I haven't thought to ask how bad I am. I have a picture from my surgery of the endometriosis and then after they burned it off, but it's hard for me to tell how much there was and what it means. I'm still going to go in for one more Lupron injection before I see this new doctor. I feel like at least two months isn't a bad idea and I feel comfortable with that decision (well as comfortable as I'm capable of feeling). I am looking forward to being off of the Lupron & to be back to feeling normal. Well, after this hopefully I'll be pregnant & still not feeling like myself :D.
The side effects sound bad, but honestly they're not unbearable. The headaches are improved and are starting to be more spaced out. If I take two Fiorecet I'm good to go. I'm just so tired and so emotional. Today I started feeling "pregnant". I'm even more tired, my ta-tas are sore (I'm use to this because I have fibrocystic breasts, but when I first started the Lupron that went away and they were super squishy for the first time in forever), I'm even more emotional (one second I'm super happy, the next I'm angry & grumpy, & then the next I'm crying for no reason), I'm eating like non-stop (unfortunately I'm craving sugary junk food), and I'm nauseated. It's no fun feeling pregnant and knowing that there's no chance of a baby being in my tummy. Oh well, I'll just consider it a practice run and hopefully next time I feel like this it will be the real deal! Hahaha, knowing me and my apparent like for torturing myself I'll probably still go out and waste money on a pregnancy test just to get that BFN. I always want to hope for the best and think that maybe I'll get surprised.
My new blog friend, Veronica, gave me an awesome idea and I can't wait to start doing it. It took her a long time to conceive her gorgeous daughter, but while she was trying she started researching, checking out, and deciding what baby stuff she wanted to get. Then when she was finally pregnant she was able to relax and didn't have to worry about it. I think that this is such a wonderful idea! Plus, I really think that it will help me to relax, not be so sad, and to focus on happy things and what I have to look forward to.
So, yesterday I decided that I needed a mental break. While it's embarrassing to admit, I love crafts. When I was about 11 years old in exchange for crocheting lessons I helped an old lady clean her house every week. My husband always makes fun of me when I break out my needles and yarn. I love to be creative and to make different things or do something artsy, included in this is my love of cooking. I especially try to do something along those lines if I'm stressed or going through difficulties. I definitely get it from my creative and artistically blessed mother. Yesterday I decided that I needed to take my mind off of things and make something and my cats (we have a dog & two cats) gave me the perfect idea.
They love to take their afternoon nap anywhere that is dark, covered, and safe. My one cat, Juneau, decided to tear holes in the underlining of our couch and to sleep under the frame. My other cat, Skyy, would always nap under the day bed that we had in our 2nd bedroom. Recently we sold that bed because we thought we were going to be moving to a smaller place (that ended up not happening, thank you God), so now my one cat is bedless and has been forced to sleep under our comforter & I would very much like for the other cat to stop destroying our couch. So I made them a little cat house. I didn't have the time or the means to go buy a bunch of supplies, so I used what we had around the house.
I took a cardboard box and completely duct taped it so that the structure could have some additional support, then I put down double sided carpet tape, measured, cut, & applied the carpet (we had an extra roll of carpet in our closet). I actually ran out of the carpet tape when I was 3/4 done so I kept the remaining carpet down with my hot glue gun and glued down any loose edges as well. I then measured and cut out the center hole and put some carpet down on the inside. I still need to clean up the edges so that they are more blended, but I'll do that later (my uncle who is a contractor suggested that I hot glue gun 3/8 rope on the edges). Then I measured and cut an old hand towel we have and duct taped/hot glued the top edge to create a little curtain to give them more security. Normally I wouldn't have added the towel because I think it looks better without it, but my cats seriously like to sleep being totally surrounded. So... without further delay, here is my cat house.The cats love it!
On to other news, my ob/gyn office called me today and they have me set up with an appointment at the fertility specialist's office on August 12th. I'm really excited and nervous and I can't wait to find out what kind of treatment options they recommend and how good they think my chances are.
I called my doctor today and left them a message to call me back with what stage of endometriosis I have and for them to mail me my surgical report. I know that they gave me this info before, but I can't remember what they said and haven't thought to ask them since. I know that sounds bad, but I have been so focused on everything else I haven't thought to ask how bad I am. I have a picture from my surgery of the endometriosis and then after they burned it off, but it's hard for me to tell how much there was and what it means. I'm still going to go in for one more Lupron injection before I see this new doctor. I feel like at least two months isn't a bad idea and I feel comfortable with that decision (well as comfortable as I'm capable of feeling). I am looking forward to being off of the Lupron & to be back to feeling normal. Well, after this hopefully I'll be pregnant & still not feeling like myself :D.
The side effects sound bad, but honestly they're not unbearable. The headaches are improved and are starting to be more spaced out. If I take two Fiorecet I'm good to go. I'm just so tired and so emotional. Today I started feeling "pregnant". I'm even more tired, my ta-tas are sore (I'm use to this because I have fibrocystic breasts, but when I first started the Lupron that went away and they were super squishy for the first time in forever), I'm even more emotional (one second I'm super happy, the next I'm angry & grumpy, & then the next I'm crying for no reason), I'm eating like non-stop (unfortunately I'm craving sugary junk food), and I'm nauseated. It's no fun feeling pregnant and knowing that there's no chance of a baby being in my tummy. Oh well, I'll just consider it a practice run and hopefully next time I feel like this it will be the real deal! Hahaha, knowing me and my apparent like for torturing myself I'll probably still go out and waste money on a pregnancy test just to get that BFN. I always want to hope for the best and think that maybe I'll get surprised.
My new blog friend, Veronica, gave me an awesome idea and I can't wait to start doing it. It took her a long time to conceive her gorgeous daughter, but while she was trying she started researching, checking out, and deciding what baby stuff she wanted to get. Then when she was finally pregnant she was able to relax and didn't have to worry about it. I think that this is such a wonderful idea! Plus, I really think that it will help me to relax, not be so sad, and to focus on happy things and what I have to look forward to.
Just some random venting
Being that I'm on Lupron & therefore on a hormonal emotional rollercoaster I have the high and low to talk about.
I've been so happy to read so many blogs on here from other women going through the endometriosis & trying to conceive battle. It has been a breath of fresh air and an amazing "wow I'm not alone" feeling. It has been especially difficult for me lately because I feel like the people who should be here for me the most aren't. I was recently talking to someone very close to me (I won't mention names or relationships due to this being the world wide web & not wanting to hurt feelings) and I was telling them about what's going on with me with Lupron and infertility stuff. What I heard back was crickets. They said absolutely nothing and then went on to talk about other stuff. It's been pretty much the same with most people that are close to me. They don't ask how it's going, what I'm going through, or offer any support or words of encouragement. Maybe they don't realize how serious it is or they feel uncomfortable and don't know what to say. I only want to know that they care and maybe hear a "I'm sorry, that sucks". Luckily I do have some great friends and my sister who ask how I'm doing, how it's going, and always tell me that they know it's going to happen and that I'm going to be a great mom (ahhh I love to hear that). I would still like to hear it from the people who should be saying it the most. My husband is great and always lets me spout off about my hurt feelings and gets angry with me about those that have hurt my feelings. That makes me feel good.
So, on to the high. I was going through a basket of random things in my closet (bathing suits, scarves, hats, etc) and I found a baby onesie that I bought when I was 16. Like I said, I have always wanted to be a mom and looked forward to the day when I would get married and start a family. I was strolling through Target, saw this adorable little onesie and just had to buy it, and I've held on to it all this time. It's so cute! It's baby blue and has a tiny teddy bear on the left side with a yellow star and says "reach for the stars". I guess it's a good thing that onesie's never go out of style. I can't believe how tiny it is and it says that it's for a 3-6 month old. I started daydreaming of the day that my baby will wear it. I went and showed it to my husband and he said "I can't wait to see our baby in that. Even if the baby is a girl she'll wear it". Awwww how precious is that! I didn't imagine that he would be so sentimental over baby clothes. I know that he wants to have a baby just as much as I do. Come on Lord give me a baby! I know everything happens in your perfect timing, but can you consider your perfect timing being right now?
I've been so happy to read so many blogs on here from other women going through the endometriosis & trying to conceive battle. It has been a breath of fresh air and an amazing "wow I'm not alone" feeling. It has been especially difficult for me lately because I feel like the people who should be here for me the most aren't. I was recently talking to someone very close to me (I won't mention names or relationships due to this being the world wide web & not wanting to hurt feelings) and I was telling them about what's going on with me with Lupron and infertility stuff. What I heard back was crickets. They said absolutely nothing and then went on to talk about other stuff. It's been pretty much the same with most people that are close to me. They don't ask how it's going, what I'm going through, or offer any support or words of encouragement. Maybe they don't realize how serious it is or they feel uncomfortable and don't know what to say. I only want to know that they care and maybe hear a "I'm sorry, that sucks". Luckily I do have some great friends and my sister who ask how I'm doing, how it's going, and always tell me that they know it's going to happen and that I'm going to be a great mom (ahhh I love to hear that). I would still like to hear it from the people who should be saying it the most. My husband is great and always lets me spout off about my hurt feelings and gets angry with me about those that have hurt my feelings. That makes me feel good.
So, on to the high. I was going through a basket of random things in my closet (bathing suits, scarves, hats, etc) and I found a baby onesie that I bought when I was 16. Like I said, I have always wanted to be a mom and looked forward to the day when I would get married and start a family. I was strolling through Target, saw this adorable little onesie and just had to buy it, and I've held on to it all this time. It's so cute! It's baby blue and has a tiny teddy bear on the left side with a yellow star and says "reach for the stars". I guess it's a good thing that onesie's never go out of style. I can't believe how tiny it is and it says that it's for a 3-6 month old. I started daydreaming of the day that my baby will wear it. I went and showed it to my husband and he said "I can't wait to see our baby in that. Even if the baby is a girl she'll wear it". Awwww how precious is that! I didn't imagine that he would be so sentimental over baby clothes. I know that he wants to have a baby just as much as I do. Come on Lord give me a baby! I know everything happens in your perfect timing, but can you consider your perfect timing being right now?
Decisions, decisions, decisions
I just got a call from my OB/GYN's office. The good news is that I can take more fiorecet than I thought I could and once I get the headaches under control they are going to be much easier to manage. The bad news, well not so much bad news, but the tough news is that I have some big decisions to make, which is not fun for me because I'm a libra and making big decisions makes me very nervous.
So here's everything that was discussed and I'm warning you that it's probably going to come out as a big rambling mess because I just found all of this out and I'm still trying to process it myself. The nurse was calling me back with some questions that I had for my doctor. First off... I was unclear on how long I actually need to take Lupron for, how long it would take me to get my cycle back, and how soon I could start trying to get pregnant. My doctor said that ideally Lupron is taken for 6 months, but she knows that I don't want to take it for that long, so she wants me to do it for possibly 3 months. She has me on the month-to-month injection so that she can monitor my symptoms and I can decide when I want to stop. I'm really hoping to not do it any longer than 2 months. From what I've read the longer you take it the longer it takes for your cycle to come back. I really just want a baby right now and having to wait even 2 months to try is just tortuous. I know it's necessary, but it's seriously so difficult. She said that after my last Lupron injection it stays in my system for 30 days and then after that it would probably take 4-6 weeks for my cycle to come back and at that time I could start Clomid and trying to get pregnant. I had no idea it was going to take this long!
Here's the kicker, in 10 days I'm suppose to have surgery (laparoscopic nissen fundoplication) on a hiatal hernia I have. It's done laparoscopically, but it's still a major surgery. My doctor is concerned that if I got pregnant right after this surgery that I could tear the hernia repair, which is dangerous and would require a second, more difficult surgery. She says that there is a 50% chance I would ruin the repair and that she won't prescribe Clomid until 3 months has passed since my hernia repair. I don't know what to do! Getting pregnant is the most important thing to me right now. I think and dream about it constantly. My symptoms with the hernia are bad and certainly annoying. I'm sick of taking Nexium and other meds like it with out complete relief and I know that getting pregnant will make my heartburn worse, but I'm not so completely miserable to the point that I think "I HAVE to have this surgery right now". I have my pre-op appointment on the 13th and Jonathan and I are going to talk to my surgeon and see what he says about how bad off I really am and if I can wait for the surgery. On another point, with the Lupron and waiting for my cycle to return I wouldn't be waiting that much longer. Ugghhh, I just don't know what to do. Is it even safe for me to have this surgery if I plan on becoming pregnant at any point? I don't want just one baby.
Another thing I was given to think about is being seen at a specialty clinic. My doctor says that this place specializes in treating women with endometriosis and could offer me more treatment options that she can as a general OB/GYN. I really like my doctor, she is very intellegent, very good, and really lets me maintain the control in my healthcare. I'm sure we have all been to those doctors that are so cocky and don't want to listen to you or let you have any say in what is happening to your body. She's not like that at all and is so beautiful and soothing. Plus I question what more this other clinic could really do for me. The hubster and I need to really think about it, give it up to God and see what path He wants us to take, and we need to research this clinic and see what they're all about. Ugh, decisions, decisions, decisions. I'm just going to keep my thoughts firmly planted on the little baby I've created in my imagination. It makes everything seem so worth it.
So here's everything that was discussed and I'm warning you that it's probably going to come out as a big rambling mess because I just found all of this out and I'm still trying to process it myself. The nurse was calling me back with some questions that I had for my doctor. First off... I was unclear on how long I actually need to take Lupron for, how long it would take me to get my cycle back, and how soon I could start trying to get pregnant. My doctor said that ideally Lupron is taken for 6 months, but she knows that I don't want to take it for that long, so she wants me to do it for possibly 3 months. She has me on the month-to-month injection so that she can monitor my symptoms and I can decide when I want to stop. I'm really hoping to not do it any longer than 2 months. From what I've read the longer you take it the longer it takes for your cycle to come back. I really just want a baby right now and having to wait even 2 months to try is just tortuous. I know it's necessary, but it's seriously so difficult. She said that after my last Lupron injection it stays in my system for 30 days and then after that it would probably take 4-6 weeks for my cycle to come back and at that time I could start Clomid and trying to get pregnant. I had no idea it was going to take this long!
Here's the kicker, in 10 days I'm suppose to have surgery (laparoscopic nissen fundoplication) on a hiatal hernia I have. It's done laparoscopically, but it's still a major surgery. My doctor is concerned that if I got pregnant right after this surgery that I could tear the hernia repair, which is dangerous and would require a second, more difficult surgery. She says that there is a 50% chance I would ruin the repair and that she won't prescribe Clomid until 3 months has passed since my hernia repair. I don't know what to do! Getting pregnant is the most important thing to me right now. I think and dream about it constantly. My symptoms with the hernia are bad and certainly annoying. I'm sick of taking Nexium and other meds like it with out complete relief and I know that getting pregnant will make my heartburn worse, but I'm not so completely miserable to the point that I think "I HAVE to have this surgery right now". I have my pre-op appointment on the 13th and Jonathan and I are going to talk to my surgeon and see what he says about how bad off I really am and if I can wait for the surgery. On another point, with the Lupron and waiting for my cycle to return I wouldn't be waiting that much longer. Ugghhh, I just don't know what to do. Is it even safe for me to have this surgery if I plan on becoming pregnant at any point? I don't want just one baby.
Another thing I was given to think about is being seen at a specialty clinic. My doctor says that this place specializes in treating women with endometriosis and could offer me more treatment options that she can as a general OB/GYN. I really like my doctor, she is very intellegent, very good, and really lets me maintain the control in my healthcare. I'm sure we have all been to those doctors that are so cocky and don't want to listen to you or let you have any say in what is happening to your body. She's not like that at all and is so beautiful and soothing. Plus I question what more this other clinic could really do for me. The hubster and I need to really think about it, give it up to God and see what path He wants us to take, and we need to research this clinic and see what they're all about. Ugh, decisions, decisions, decisions. I'm just going to keep my thoughts firmly planted on the little baby I've created in my imagination. It makes everything seem so worth it.
I should have seen it coming
Last night, not too much longer after I finished my last post, the pain train arrived. With the horrible headaches, cramping, and breakthrough bleeding I should have seen it coming and expected it, but it completely caught me off guard. What's worse is that I couldn't really take anything for the pain because I had already taken extra-strength tylenol earlier in the day and then I also took fiorecet for the headache, which also has acetaminophen in it. I have a high pain tolerance and I cope with it pretty well, but for some reason whenever I'm in a lot of pain I cry. I guess it's better than screaming or pulling my hair out, but I find it to be very annoying. It burns, my nose gets all stuffy, my skin gets blotchy.... annoying.
So last night was spent with a lot of tears and attempts to distract myself. I have a wonderful heating pad and that helped a lot. I don't know if it really helps with the pain or if the warmth is just soothing. Either way I'm happy to use it. My husband was so sweet and wonderful and was asking me if there was anything he could get me or anything he could do. Fighting back blubbering sobs, I reverted to a five year old and said "can you just hold me for awhile". So he did and he stroaked my hair just the way I like it. He's such a sweet, sweet man. Not only does he work about 10 hours a day, but he's also in school, and with my health issues he's had to take on so much. Things that I normally take care of he has had to take on. He never complains, he never has to be asked to do anything, he just does it. On top of that he is still sweet and loving, asks me how I'm doing, brings me drinks and makes sure I've had three meals a day. Which is wonderful of him because beyond being able to make amazing breakfasts, he doesn't like to cook. I'm so blessed to have him as a husband. I hope that I bring him as much joy as he brings me. It's so wonderful to know that when you're at your worst there is going to be someone there to comfort you and take care of you. It's also amazing because my husband is very much a type A personality, military man. He always jokes around (I think) and tells people to "suffer in silence", lol. To see him be so sweet, understanding, and such a great caretaker is, well... I can't really describe to you how great it feels.
So, like I said, last night was spent with a lot of tears, which made my nose swell and I didn't get much sleep. We watched a movie until Jonathan had to go to bed and I attempted to lay down with him. I was joking around and told him "I hope that you're grateful that I'm willing to suffer so much so that I can give you a child", lol. He told me that if it was him he wouldn't do it. I've always said that I don't think a man could handle being a woman for even a day. Can you imagine what most men would think if they had to deal with one period. Hahaha, I think that they would think their body had been taken over by aliens. I always laugh so hard at the saying "never trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die". It makes me laugh every time I read it. Okay, I've gone off on a tangent. I tend to do that a lot. So, last night I walked around for awhile (that seemed to help) and then I surfed the web until my sleeping pill finally decided to work.
This morning I woke up to the same headache and the same pelvic pain. In not wanting to have a repeat of last night, I broke down and took a darvocet from a prescription that I had when I pulled a muscle in my back. It did well in taking the edge off. More importantly it knocked me out and I was able to get some good rest! I took cat naps on the couch until my husband went to work and then I laid down in bed at 3:30 this afternoon and didn't wake up again until about 7. Hahaha, I'm sure I'll have a great time trying to fall asleep tonight. I still have a headache, but the pelvic pain is just barely there. Hopefully it will stay that way.
While being in pain is never fun, it's still a happy thing for me. I say that because me being in pain means that the Lupron is working. So far I'm hitting all of the marks in the road that my doctor told me I would. So, in a few days the pain and breakthrough bleeding should be gone, my estrogen levels will plummit, the endometriosis will die back like it's suppose to, and then I will get pregnant, have a beautiful baby, have a few more babies, and then live happily ever after in my white castle in the countryside! Okay, okay, so maybe I added in a few unrealistic details, but you catch my drift.
So last night was spent with a lot of tears and attempts to distract myself. I have a wonderful heating pad and that helped a lot. I don't know if it really helps with the pain or if the warmth is just soothing. Either way I'm happy to use it. My husband was so sweet and wonderful and was asking me if there was anything he could get me or anything he could do. Fighting back blubbering sobs, I reverted to a five year old and said "can you just hold me for awhile". So he did and he stroaked my hair just the way I like it. He's such a sweet, sweet man. Not only does he work about 10 hours a day, but he's also in school, and with my health issues he's had to take on so much. Things that I normally take care of he has had to take on. He never complains, he never has to be asked to do anything, he just does it. On top of that he is still sweet and loving, asks me how I'm doing, brings me drinks and makes sure I've had three meals a day. Which is wonderful of him because beyond being able to make amazing breakfasts, he doesn't like to cook. I'm so blessed to have him as a husband. I hope that I bring him as much joy as he brings me. It's so wonderful to know that when you're at your worst there is going to be someone there to comfort you and take care of you. It's also amazing because my husband is very much a type A personality, military man. He always jokes around (I think) and tells people to "suffer in silence", lol. To see him be so sweet, understanding, and such a great caretaker is, well... I can't really describe to you how great it feels.
So, like I said, last night was spent with a lot of tears, which made my nose swell and I didn't get much sleep. We watched a movie until Jonathan had to go to bed and I attempted to lay down with him. I was joking around and told him "I hope that you're grateful that I'm willing to suffer so much so that I can give you a child", lol. He told me that if it was him he wouldn't do it. I've always said that I don't think a man could handle being a woman for even a day. Can you imagine what most men would think if they had to deal with one period. Hahaha, I think that they would think their body had been taken over by aliens. I always laugh so hard at the saying "never trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die". It makes me laugh every time I read it. Okay, I've gone off on a tangent. I tend to do that a lot. So, last night I walked around for awhile (that seemed to help) and then I surfed the web until my sleeping pill finally decided to work.
This morning I woke up to the same headache and the same pelvic pain. In not wanting to have a repeat of last night, I broke down and took a darvocet from a prescription that I had when I pulled a muscle in my back. It did well in taking the edge off. More importantly it knocked me out and I was able to get some good rest! I took cat naps on the couch until my husband went to work and then I laid down in bed at 3:30 this afternoon and didn't wake up again until about 7. Hahaha, I'm sure I'll have a great time trying to fall asleep tonight. I still have a headache, but the pelvic pain is just barely there. Hopefully it will stay that way.
While being in pain is never fun, it's still a happy thing for me. I say that because me being in pain means that the Lupron is working. So far I'm hitting all of the marks in the road that my doctor told me I would. So, in a few days the pain and breakthrough bleeding should be gone, my estrogen levels will plummit, the endometriosis will die back like it's suppose to, and then I will get pregnant, have a beautiful baby, have a few more babies, and then live happily ever after in my white castle in the countryside! Okay, okay, so maybe I added in a few unrealistic details, but you catch my drift.
Lupron: The First Week
So, it has been a week since I've had my first Lupron injection and started the Norethindrone Acetate pill (see my previous post to find out what Lupron is and why I'm taking it). I'm hoping that my side effects won't be as bad as some people because I'm getting the lower dose, once-monthly injection rather than the higher dose, every three months injection. I pray that's the case because I've truly read some horror stories out there. I just try to remember that the side effects don't happen to everyone, some people do just great, and people only tend to write reviews when things are going wrong. It's during times like these that I really have to have faith that God will help me through. That's a tough thing for me and I'm actively trying to strengthen my faith and let go of my fear and worry.
So far I've been more tired than usual, irritable, had a worse short-term memory (I've always been bad, but now I'll start to go do something and completely forget what I was going to do or have a conversation with my husband and forget that it happened) and I've been getting some pretty bad headaches. Also, today I've had an increase in the endometriosis pain and had some breakthrough bleeding. Really though, the symptoms sound severe, but it really hasn't been too bad or unbearable at all and if this is going to help me have a baby then it's all worth it. I talked to my doctor today and she called me in some fiorecet for the headaches and told me that the cramps and bleeding were normal and should subside in a few days. She explained that the medication attaches to the hormone receptors, stays there, and fools the body into stopping the release of estrogen. But what happens in the beginning is there is an estrogen surge and that causes a temporary increase in endometriosis symptoms. Whew, I'm just relieved that it's normal. I do better when I know what to expect.
I've been doing a lot more researching this week about conception, endometriosis, and Lupron therapy. I have to tell you that there is so much information out there and it can be intimidating and confusing. A great source of information and comfort comes from posts from other women who have been through fertility treatments and have been successful. But sometimes I have no clue what they're talking about. They are true fertility warriors and are armed with a bunch of abbreviations that I have no clue what they mean. Haha, only recently did I figure out that TTC means "trying to conceive". It's still just so comforting to see women that have had difficulties far more severe than my own and now they have beautiful, healthy babies. A book that has really helped me out beyond measure has been "Supernatural Childbirth: Experiencing the Promises of God Concerning Conception and Delivery" by Jackie Mize. Not only does it talk about how to have an amazing pregnancy and delivery, but it talks about biblical principles on conceiving when you didn't think you could or have had problems. It's really amazing and has brought me peace and conviction that I know I will be a mother one day, where before I was riddled with so much negativity and doubt. Seriously, even if you don't think this book is for you, go out and buy it (it's really inexpensive) and read it. It's life changing.
I want to be a mother more than anything in the world right now. I think about it all the time and my husband and I are always talking about how we're going to raise our kids, how it's going to change our life, and I'm pretty sure we have all of our kids names picked out already. People always tell me "oh just stop thinking about it" or "just stop trying and it will happen", as if any of those things are possible. Also, when Jonathan and I first realized that there might be a problem we had to go to my primary care physician in order to get a referral to a specialist. She was a horrible doctor (for numerous reasons), but she also hassled me about seeking fertility testing and said that I was so young and blah, blah, blah. I get angry just thinking about her. Obviously she finally gave me the referral, but geez is it really that much trouble to just let someone get checked out and obviously something is wrong when you've been trying for 1 1/2 years and nothing has happened. Luckily just prior to this appointment I was talking to my neighbor about fertility issues (she had a lot of trouble conceiving her son) and she warned me that some providers can be negative about giving referrals for testing, so I wasn't totally caught off guard by my doctor (well ex-doctor now). Okay, okay I'm done venting about that & it's all past history now.
I'm looking forward to the time that I'm on Lupron to pass by quickly (the fiorecet doesn't seem to be working for the headaches) and I'm hoping that this blog on trying to conceive will be short lived and will quickly turn into a blog about pregnancy :D!
So far I've been more tired than usual, irritable, had a worse short-term memory (I've always been bad, but now I'll start to go do something and completely forget what I was going to do or have a conversation with my husband and forget that it happened) and I've been getting some pretty bad headaches. Also, today I've had an increase in the endometriosis pain and had some breakthrough bleeding. Really though, the symptoms sound severe, but it really hasn't been too bad or unbearable at all and if this is going to help me have a baby then it's all worth it. I talked to my doctor today and she called me in some fiorecet for the headaches and told me that the cramps and bleeding were normal and should subside in a few days. She explained that the medication attaches to the hormone receptors, stays there, and fools the body into stopping the release of estrogen. But what happens in the beginning is there is an estrogen surge and that causes a temporary increase in endometriosis symptoms. Whew, I'm just relieved that it's normal. I do better when I know what to expect.
I've been doing a lot more researching this week about conception, endometriosis, and Lupron therapy. I have to tell you that there is so much information out there and it can be intimidating and confusing. A great source of information and comfort comes from posts from other women who have been through fertility treatments and have been successful. But sometimes I have no clue what they're talking about. They are true fertility warriors and are armed with a bunch of abbreviations that I have no clue what they mean. Haha, only recently did I figure out that TTC means "trying to conceive". It's still just so comforting to see women that have had difficulties far more severe than my own and now they have beautiful, healthy babies. A book that has really helped me out beyond measure has been "Supernatural Childbirth: Experiencing the Promises of God Concerning Conception and Delivery" by Jackie Mize. Not only does it talk about how to have an amazing pregnancy and delivery, but it talks about biblical principles on conceiving when you didn't think you could or have had problems. It's really amazing and has brought me peace and conviction that I know I will be a mother one day, where before I was riddled with so much negativity and doubt. Seriously, even if you don't think this book is for you, go out and buy it (it's really inexpensive) and read it. It's life changing.
I want to be a mother more than anything in the world right now. I think about it all the time and my husband and I are always talking about how we're going to raise our kids, how it's going to change our life, and I'm pretty sure we have all of our kids names picked out already. People always tell me "oh just stop thinking about it" or "just stop trying and it will happen", as if any of those things are possible. Also, when Jonathan and I first realized that there might be a problem we had to go to my primary care physician in order to get a referral to a specialist. She was a horrible doctor (for numerous reasons), but she also hassled me about seeking fertility testing and said that I was so young and blah, blah, blah. I get angry just thinking about her. Obviously she finally gave me the referral, but geez is it really that much trouble to just let someone get checked out and obviously something is wrong when you've been trying for 1 1/2 years and nothing has happened. Luckily just prior to this appointment I was talking to my neighbor about fertility issues (she had a lot of trouble conceiving her son) and she warned me that some providers can be negative about giving referrals for testing, so I wasn't totally caught off guard by my doctor (well ex-doctor now). Okay, okay I'm done venting about that & it's all past history now.
I'm looking forward to the time that I'm on Lupron to pass by quickly (the fiorecet doesn't seem to be working for the headaches) and I'm hoping that this blog on trying to conceive will be short lived and will quickly turn into a blog about pregnancy :D!
The Beginning: Our Story
My husband Jonathan and I met through my cousin, Chris; they were both in the Navy together. Actually, he knew who I was way before I even knew he existed. During this time I was living in Houston, TX & he was living in San Diego, CA. He went with my cousin to my mom's house for dinner and he saw my picture on the wall. He immediately thought I was cute and asked Chris about me. Finding out that I lived so far away, he forgot about me... but as fate would have it I ended up moving to San Diego about a year later and got an apartment with my sister. My sister and Jonathan were also friends and she called and invited him over to go out with us one night. We had an instant connection and were pretty much joined at the hip after that. However, having recently gotten out of a bad relationship I didn't think that I wanted to date anyone at that time, so instead we forged a strong friendship (which I'm so thankful for). The first time he asked me to kiss him (why do guys do that?) I told him no. But with his typical charm he wore me down (hahaha just kidding babe) and I told him "okay we can date, but you're not my boyfriend", about a week later I said "okay, you can be my boyfriend, but there's no way I'm getting married", okay I'm lying it was really the next day.... and a year later we got married. I think I was just playing hard to get, but wasn't very good at it because from the start I definitely had strong feelings for him. I thought he was the kindest, most amazing man that I had ever met. He was so thoughtful, romantic, sweet, loyal, intelligent, and incredibly sexy. Not to be cheesy, but he was everything that I ever wanted and everything that I never knew existed. Well, not just "was", but still is. I thank God for him every single day.
Both Jonathan and I love children and have always had a strong desire to be parents. I've wanted to be a mother as long as I can remember and never thought that it would be an issue. Immediately upon getting married we started trying to get pregnant. We both thought for sure that it would happen our first month of trying. I mean, geez, how many people out there go to desperate measures to NOT get pregnant and still end up doing it anways! A few months went by and we didn't think too much of it... it was just going to take a little longer than we thought or maybe we weren't doing it right, ha! I researched online the best methods and times to conceive and I started monitoring my cycles and my ovulation. It still didn't happen! I thought that maybe it was stress. We were having work and financial issues at the time and it caused a lot of pressure, so we just kept trying and waiting it out.
At about the year to year and a half mark we finally went and talked to my OB/GYN. I was also having some odd lower abdominal pain, so she decided to do a laparoscopy to see if something was going on. She found endometriosis, burned it off, and told me that my fertility would now be increased by about 20%. Normally what would have happened after that is I would be put on Lupron (an injection that puts you in temporary menopause to kill off the endometriosis) and then after that Clomid (a super-ovulation pill) for two months. However, my husband was about to leave to go out to sea for a few months, so she wanted to give me a chance to get pregnant before he left and so I took Clomid for a month. Unfortunately I didn't get pregnant :(. After he got back I did another round of Clomid and that still didn't work.
I went and talked to my doctor again and she said that it's best to do Clomid for two consecutive months and to give that a try. Of course my husband went out to sea again (I have a love-hate relationship with the military at this point) and I had to put it off for another two months and then I had surgery for a deviated septum, which you can not be pregnant for.
Around this time my endometriosis symptoms got worse and my OB/GYN decided the best course of treatment would be to do monthly injections of Lupron in combination with Norethindrone Acetate for about two months. She told me that it's the "golden ticket" for getting pregnant when you have endometriosis. After that I will do the two rounds of Clomid. Deciding to go ahead with the Lupron was a very difficult decision for me. At this point we have been trying to get pregnant for almost 2 years, every period is a heartache, every ovulation cycle I'm thinking "is this it, is it finally going to be our chance to be parents", every time I hear that someone else is pregnant it is depressing (of course I'm happy for them, but it still hurts that it's not me), and every month of having to put off trying to conceive is devastating. Plus, I know that some people get some pretty miserable side effects while on Lupron. On the flip side I was also questioning what my chances were of getting pregnant with out it. I was given the choice either Lupron or a birth control pill and between the two I want to go with the "golden ticket". Sooooo..... Jonathan and I have decided to go ahead with Lupron.
Both Jonathan and I love children and have always had a strong desire to be parents. I've wanted to be a mother as long as I can remember and never thought that it would be an issue. Immediately upon getting married we started trying to get pregnant. We both thought for sure that it would happen our first month of trying. I mean, geez, how many people out there go to desperate measures to NOT get pregnant and still end up doing it anways! A few months went by and we didn't think too much of it... it was just going to take a little longer than we thought or maybe we weren't doing it right, ha! I researched online the best methods and times to conceive and I started monitoring my cycles and my ovulation. It still didn't happen! I thought that maybe it was stress. We were having work and financial issues at the time and it caused a lot of pressure, so we just kept trying and waiting it out.
At about the year to year and a half mark we finally went and talked to my OB/GYN. I was also having some odd lower abdominal pain, so she decided to do a laparoscopy to see if something was going on. She found endometriosis, burned it off, and told me that my fertility would now be increased by about 20%. Normally what would have happened after that is I would be put on Lupron (an injection that puts you in temporary menopause to kill off the endometriosis) and then after that Clomid (a super-ovulation pill) for two months. However, my husband was about to leave to go out to sea for a few months, so she wanted to give me a chance to get pregnant before he left and so I took Clomid for a month. Unfortunately I didn't get pregnant :(. After he got back I did another round of Clomid and that still didn't work.
I went and talked to my doctor again and she said that it's best to do Clomid for two consecutive months and to give that a try. Of course my husband went out to sea again (I have a love-hate relationship with the military at this point) and I had to put it off for another two months and then I had surgery for a deviated septum, which you can not be pregnant for.
Around this time my endometriosis symptoms got worse and my OB/GYN decided the best course of treatment would be to do monthly injections of Lupron in combination with Norethindrone Acetate for about two months. She told me that it's the "golden ticket" for getting pregnant when you have endometriosis. After that I will do the two rounds of Clomid. Deciding to go ahead with the Lupron was a very difficult decision for me. At this point we have been trying to get pregnant for almost 2 years, every period is a heartache, every ovulation cycle I'm thinking "is this it, is it finally going to be our chance to be parents", every time I hear that someone else is pregnant it is depressing (of course I'm happy for them, but it still hurts that it's not me), and every month of having to put off trying to conceive is devastating. Plus, I know that some people get some pretty miserable side effects while on Lupron. On the flip side I was also questioning what my chances were of getting pregnant with out it. I was given the choice either Lupron or a birth control pill and between the two I want to go with the "golden ticket". Sooooo..... Jonathan and I have decided to go ahead with Lupron.
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