Naked

That's the best title I could come up with because that's how I feel. DH and I have re-entered the world of TTC... or should I say battlefield. We just had our 3rd failed cycle. The past 2 cycles I was so sure that I had conceived. Crushing. I've been wanting to talk about this for awhile, but for some reason I feel so much more vulnerable and exposed this time around. I don't know why it feels so different. I've decided that I need to just get over it and let myself feel naked and exposed because I really need the support. 

I'm scared. It took us over two years of trying to get Corbe.n. It was the hardest thing that I've ever been through and I don't know if I have it in me to go through another battle. I'll do it because I want more children, but it will take everything I have in me. Just the thought of it exhausts me and makes me want to cry. I've decided that I need to take next month off of actively trying and just let nature take its course. The emotions of trying and then the 2WW are too much right now... ugh and then the few days leading up to AF are the worst! Analyzing every symptom, wondering if the cramps you feel are because you're pregnant or because you're about to start. Worrying if what you're eating or drinking (coffee addict here) could effect your chances of conceiving. Worrying if your stress levels are too high.... worry, worry, worry. When is it going to happen? I really want Corbe.n to have a sibling close in age to him. Is that going to be a reality? Agggghhhhh! Too many thoughts. I really need to chill out. It is a different feeling and a different worry then before. I'm constantly having to remind myself to turn to God and give my worries to him. He has proved himself faithful and that he does have a beautiful and wonderful plan for my life. I know this to be true. I see it everyday in the face of my son.

Because of my concerns that endo has returned I'm going to see about getting in for another laparoscopy to see what's going on in there. Hopefully that can be done soon! To be continued....

Finger Food Woes

My little man is going through a patch of finger food regression. He had always done great with food and then BAM.... bump in the road. He will still eat finger food, but only if fed to him. I am completely flabbergasted because he will feed himself cheerios, but anything else he picks up and then immediately drop with a disgusted look on his face. After some researching (thank GOD for the internet) I found out that this is extremely common and also got some great advice:

• Give him finger foods for breakfast. This is the meal when babies are the hungriest and may be more receptive to finger foods.I generally did oatmeal or something of the sort.

• Only give the cheerios after they've eaten their finger foods. I was putting them on his high chair to pacify him while I prepared his meals.

• Put his highchair up to the table and eat with him. Our high chair was by the table, but not directly facing it and his meal times aren't at times when I'm usually hungry. Eating with him makes a difference, even if I just nibble.

• Don't stare at him when he eats and don't make meal times a big deal. It sounds crazy now that I think about it, but when I gave him finger foods before I would pull up a chair and sit right in front of him while he ate. WHY?! I have no idea. I guess out of habit from when I fed him cereals or purees. When he started regressing, I would stress about it and stare at him thinking  "Is he going to eat or not? "

• He isn't going to let himself starve! He will eat if he's hungry enough. This has been a big stress reliever to mentally remind myself of this. He's not going to starve to death, he's not going to starve to death!

Reading these tips it's like DUR, who wouldn't automatically do those things, but sometimes with parenting you are thinking about so many things and trying so hard to get the big things right that the small things slip your mind. We're on day 2 of our finger food rehab. Yesterday he immediately did great and I was so surprised. This morning at breakfast time I could tell he was really hungry (think begging little bird), but he would not have anything to do with finger foods. I so badly wanted to cave and get him some cereal or yogurt, but I had to remind myself that I wasn't doing Corbe.n any good and it wouldn't help us in the long term. That's the thing about parenting, you can't do what is easiest in that moment, you have to think about your long term goal. Begin as you mean to go. I got him out of his high chair and he played for another 45 minutes and then we tried again. This time he eagerly ate his food! Victory! I won't say that he ate a ton, but it's a step in the right direction and with patience I know we'll get back to where we were before. Parenting is complicated that's for sure!

Monday Thoughts

Corbe.n is not a baby that loves to cuddle. He's never been that way... makes me sad. The only time I can get some cuddles in is when he has a bottle, when I'm reading him a book, or when I pick him up when he's sleeping at night (bad I know, but sometimes a momma just needs a cuddle). However, lately for the first little while after he wakes up in the morning or after his nap he wants to be held and loved on. Eeek! It makes my heart so happy! Sometimes he just wants to sit in my lap too. Either way I know he's attached to me... he follows me everywhere and loves for me to be on the floor with him when he plays. 

When Corb.en sees me bringing him his food to his highchair he says "mum mum" every single time. I'm not sure if he's trying to imitate a word that he's heard or exactly what he's trying to say, but it definitely means something to him. 

He says "mama" constantly now :)

I think it's so awesome to see how differently he interacts with other kids compared to how he does with adults. He loves them and is intrigued by them. It's so crazy how much he will mimic other kids in a way that he won't do with adults and this is especially true with certain kids he sees. Every time he gets to see his cousin (from out of state) or our friend's son who is 1 1/2 he ends up doing something new developmentally. 

With that I leave you with a video displaying why it's becoming more difficult to take pictures and videos of Corb.en... he desperately wants to eat my iPhone and camera.

Wonderful Reminders

Just when I'm feeling all down in the dumps with how grown Corbe.n is and how he's about to go off to college ;),  I get a nice reminder that he's still got awhile to go before he's big enough to fill his daddy's shoes. He's still my itty bitty after all. 

Get A Grip Woman!

I'm having a hard time... like breaking down into tears hard time. It's just a tad ridiculous. Cor.ben is going to be 1 in just six short weeks. I know that, just like his life so far, it will be here in a blink of an eye. I know that I can't do anything to stop time so I might as well just accept it. Instead I keep torturing myself by looking at his newborn pictures and videos and longing to go back to that time. This age really is so much fun too. It's just such a mix of emotions. I'm looking forward to all of the new things that he will do and I look forward to him talking to me and telling me he loves me, calling me mommy, and all of the funny things I know he'll say. At the same time I'm grieving him growing up. I can already see him going off to college and getting married to some woman I'm just sure I'll hate (God, I hope not). Crazy right! It hasn't helped that he's walking now. He looks like such a big boy walking all around our apartment. You can't really see your baby as a baby when they're walking. It happened so fast too. One day he could only take 3 steps at a time and the next he was like "I got this!". 

Okay, pity party over!.... for at least the next 60 seconds.

Let's talk about the sweet things. I love it when he gives me kisses. Oh and how his face lights up when he walks to me and to see how excited and proud of himself he is. He loves to clap when he's done a really good job. I love him.

...and how can you not laugh at this?

Picture Post

Just a few pictures... I have quite a few more to post from our recent trip to Texas, but I'll have to get to those later. Happy Friday everyone!

AMAZING {crockpot} Beef Stroganoff Recipe

This crockpot Beef Stroganoff recipe is SO good. I consider it a MUST try. The fact that it's so easy really sweetens the deal.

Ingredients:

2 lbs cubed stew meat

2 cans condensed Golden Mushroom Soup

2 cups diced onion 

----(For the easiness factor I used pre-diced onions, if you don't want to do that I would say use 1 medium onion)

1 red bell pepper- cut into strips

3 tbs Worcestershire sauce

1/2 cup water
1 tsp garlic salt

8 oz cream cheese

*you can also add mushrooms, but I really don't like them, so I didn't

egg noodles- to amount desired 

Directions:

In the crockpot combine all ingredients except for the meat and cream cheese. Once combined then add ONLY the meat. Cook on low for 8 hours.

Just before serving, cut the cream cheese into cubes and add to crockpot, and put on high, stirring occasionally, until the cream cheese is melted. Meanwhile, cook egg noodles according to package directions. Spoon the crockpot content over the noodles, mix, and enjoy! It's sooo good! It's literally the best Beef Stroganoff that I've ever had.

10 Months

{insert hyperventilation here} My little baby is growing up so fast and I am NOT ready to have a 1 year old and I know that is going to be here in the blink of an eye. I think he's still around 25 lbs and I don't know his length, but we have noticed that he seems longer. He's been up to so much lately and we're having so much fun.

♥ He has been "saying" dada, baba, etc. for awhile, but now he says it all day long, over & over. It's so cute! Now if I could get more than the occasional mama then I would be so happy ;). I think that he knows what dada means because he says it a lot when he first sees my husband in the morning or when he comes home from work. He knows what baba means because when you ask him if he wants a baba he'll stop what he's doing, look at you, get excited, and come over to you. He just started making the "th" sound.

♥ He crawls, cruises, stands unassisted and just started taking steps. I have such mixed emotions about him walking. I'm excited and proud of him that he's starting, but it makes me sad too. He's not a little itty bitty baby anymore. 

♥ He plays ball with you. So cute! We sit facing each other and when you roll/toss him the ball he will pick it up and toss it back. When he's done with that he'll play baby soccer, lol. He crawls around hitting the ball with his hand and chases it to hit the ball again. I love it!

♥ He plays peek-a-boo. Adorableness.

♥ He LOVES other little babies and kids. He just needs to realize his own strength and that it's not cool to squeeze faces.

♥ He refuses purees now. I thought we would be able to do these for longer and I will miss them for their easiness factor when we're out and about. His favorite foods are pasta, chicken, veggies, bananas, pineapple, and luckily for breakfast he still loves his rice cereal or oatmeal. Oh my goodness, I almost forgot! He goes crazy for cottage cheese! If I'm eating it around him he begs for it and usually ends up eating most of my bowl. Cheerios are my savior if I need a few minutes to get things done.

♥ He's doing great with his sippy cup lately and loves water.

♥ He loves to watch videos of himself.

♥ His favorite toys are blocks, balls, and his stacking rings.

♥ He's such a boy and loves to pound on things and bang toys together.

♥ He still has to sleep with his stuffed elephant "Blue". He loves all stuffed animals though and will nuzzle them against his face.

♥ He's so hyper and fast. Pretty much the only time he will sit still is when you read him a book. He loves book time and bath time. Those are such cherished times for me. He's so precious!

♥ He loves his daddy and gets so excited when he comes home.

♥ He loves my belly button. It's so funny. He grabs it and pokes it.

♥ He's been doing so well with his reflux. I think in about a week we're going to do attempt #3 to take him off of zantac. I'm nervous because the last time really didn't go well and his reflux was worse then ever. We had to up his dose and it took weeks for him to be back to normal again.

♥ Still no teeth. Ugh! Poor kid!

♥ I think he might be a dentist in the future because any chance he gets he's shoving his fingers in my mouth and inspecting my teeth, lol.

♥ I think I might need to get him his own iPhone (I kid) because he is obsessed with mine.

We are so madly in love with him and feel so blessed that we were chosen to be his parents. Every day is something exciting and new. Being his mother, I feel like I've finally found my place in life and what I'm supposed to be doing. I love you Cor.ben Eli.jah!