Post-Baby Body

There's no need to beat around the bush. Despite my fear of saying it out loud, I'm going to just jump right in... I'm disgusted with my post-baby body. My entire life I have been a very thin person. In fact I have had problems with being UNDER-weight and had to fight to keep the pounds on. It really became a self-esteem issue for me as I got made fun of a lot and people called a lot of attention to my weight. No one wants to feel like they stick out from the crowd for any reason. The past few years I finally got to my ideal weight and I was so happy! I really thought that after I had my baby that I wouldn't have any problem getting back down to my normal size. However, the past few months I have been absolutely stuck at my current weight. I know that I don't look horrible and I don't think I could be called overweight, but I definitely need to "tighten up". Most of all, I just really want to feel good about myself and not have to do things to conceal the belly (to be able to leave the house without feeling like a self-conscious mess I wear a spanx like garment and loose shirts). I really can't complain too much because as miserable as I feel I haven't been exercising and I've been eating horribly. To give myself a tiny excuse, with my current lupus flare I can't do intense exercise, but then again I haven't been doing anything!

So I've finally decided that I've had enough! I'm going to start eating healthy and exercising! I've been saying this in my head for awhile and then I don't do anything about it, so I decided what I need to do is call myself out and put myself on the spot. So, here I am! I'm exposing myself and making a public commitment to better myself. Once again I would like to reiterate I realize that I don't look awful. I'm just doing this to be healthy and to feel good about myself again. I'm going to post a pre-pregnancy picture, and pictures of me in my wanna-be spanx, and without anything. My pre-pregnancy weight was 110 and I'm now 135. I'm thinking that I would like to get down to about 115- 120. So, I would like to lose around 10-15 lbs. I'm going to weigh myself once a week and post my progress. If anyone would like to join me I would love the support!

"Spanx"
*Pardon the under-eye circles I was up late studying*

No "Spanx"

Pre-pregnancy

One more. Just because I miss my old self so much.

Okay, okay... since you asked for it... one more. Haha!

4 Months Old

My little mushakins is 4 months old! WOW! I get surprised every month at how fast the previous month has passed by. Cor.ben has had a lot of changes lately. He can sit up (once placed in the sitting position) for 10 minutes at a time. However, sometimes he isn't into it and will just fall over. He can pick things up and hold them in his hands. His favorite thing to do is to take his pacifier in and out of his mouth and to pull the music cord on his baby einstein toy bar. He still absolutely loves to stand (assisted of course) and has gotten so strong! I don't know if he's teething, but he's drooling a lot and wants to almost constantly chew on his fingers. We go to the doctor tomorrow, but when I weighed him with me on a home scale he was 20 lbs. He definitely feels VERY heavy. He is still disinterested in rolling over. He's so social and observant. I've been told on numerous occasions that once he's mobile I'm done for, lol. You can definitely tell that he can't wait to get into things. He's a talker like his momma and babbles all day long and he's so loud! I love it! He's very entertaining. He still loves to laugh (he started that around 2 months), but now it's so easy to make him do it. He's also extremely ticklish! Most of the time you just barely need to touch his skin and he busts up laughing. I need to figure out how to put a video on here.

His reflux was so well maintained that I made the mistake of seeing if he could go without taking Zantac. Everything was fun for a few days, but then he was back to being in pain, not eating as much, grunting all day long, and just generally fussy. Needless to say he's back on the medication for at least a few more months :(

He usually goes to bed around 9pm and was waking up at 5am for a bottle and then sleeping again until around 7:30, but for the past few mornings he has skipped his 5 am bottle until 7 am and slept until around 9:30 am. Let's hope that continues!

Feelings

I'm going to do Cor.ben's 4 month post later today, but I'm having some feelings that I didn't want to tack onto his post. I'm having those baby fever feelings again. I know I'm crazy! I should just be completely enjoying the baby I have now and not even think about another one yet. But the feelings are definitely here and they're getting stronger. I just REALLY loved being pregnant and it went by so fast. Now I love being a Mom and I want to experience everything again. What's even crazier is that I find myself getting jealous when my friends announce that they are pregnant (Is it baby season or something? It seems like so many people I know are getting pregnant right now). Which is absolutely crazy because I have a baby!!!! Why am I jealous?! It's not like I could try right now even if I wanted to. It's kinda hard to do that when your husband is in another country. Then of course I wonder if things are going to be so difficult like they were last time. God I hope not. I've been having pain again. I hope it's just post-baby stuff and not endo rearing its ugly head again. Ugh.... why am I having baby fever!!!!

We're home!

We are finally back home after our month long visit with my family. It was so unbelievably great being there. It made the time pass by so quickly and I wasn't nearly as lonely without my husband (for those who missed it, he's on deployment) as I have been at home. I also got to go see my extended family that I haven't seen in about 7 years!!!! I got some great bonding time with my sister and she finally got to meet her nephew. We're only 13 months apart, so we're extremely close. I love her so much! I haven't been able to spend this much time with my Mom in such a long time and it was awesome seeing her with Cor.ben. I was really nervous about boarding my dog for so long, but thank the Lord he seems to be unaffected by it. Geez, my first time boarding him and I leave for a month!

Cor.ben did absolutely amazing on our flights! I was sooo nervous that he would scream the entire time. On our flights to Cali he didn't cry a single time and was just smiling and "talking" to everyone around him. It was pretty much the same on the way back, except he got a little fussy at the very end because he just wanted to lay down so badly. Our first pilot on the way there was AMAZING! He carried my carseat for me and even buckled it in. He was so in love with Cor.ben. He wanted me to have him sit in the cockpit for the whole flight. I declined, hahaha, but he did let us come up and take pictures. So cool!

Now I am just trying to settle back in, take care of things at home, and study for my finals. I can NOT wait for this semester to be over with. School with a baby is definitely a challenge! I'll save all of my Cor.ben updates for his 4 month **tears start flowing** post tomorrow. I now have the arduous task of choosing just a few photos to post on here out of the 500 I took on our trip.

Our pilot

My Mom

Corben's 1st girlfriend ;)

My Brother

Beautiful Santa Barbara


San Diego

My Uncle & Grandparents

Sista time!

Just A Quickie

We'll be going home in a few days :(. It's going to be so hard to leave. Baby boy will be 4 months old in 6 days! I'm already trying to think of some fun picture ideas. As of now he's 19 lbs!!!! WHAT! Lil' fatty! He can also sit up unassisted for about 10 seconds at a time.

Ugh, I'm already dreading the flight home....

3 Months Old

Cor.ben turned 3 months old on the 5th. I know I'm behind, but it's difficult to keep things updated while we're out of town. It's been so great having company and help with Cor.ben that we've decided to stay a little while longer. However, I do miss having everything all set up like we do at home and having his nursery to take care of him in and then there are the joys of being with family and a new baby.

Cor.ben is such a happy baby! He spends most of his day smiling and laughing. He's so strong and now when he's standing up you only need to hold on to his hands and when he's sitting up you only need to put a little pressure on his thigh and he does the rest on his own. He's very observant and loves to stare at people and things. He has almost mastered grabbing things and loves to put his pacifier in and out of his mouth and he really loves to pull hair and earrings. The only thing he's not interested in is rolling over. He did it a few times a month or so ago, but since then he seems completely disinterested in even trying. My aunt told me that I was the same way, but I sure wish he would give it a go. Oh and did I mention that he's a whopping 17 lbs!!! He's such a big boy!

I can't wait to show you some great pictures from our trip once I get home. YAY!

MIA

I feel like I haven't posted in forever! I haven't disappeared, I'm just out of town visiting my family. It's been so wonderful! Post and pictures to come when I get home in a week :)