This past week I've been feeling under the weather, but just thought it was how I was suppose to feel after having a baby. Even with plenty of sleep I was feeling really run down, my breasts were really sore, my appetite was almost non-existent, even though my husband complained that the apartment was really hot I was so freezing cold, and I had a headache that just would not die. Under normal circumstances it would have been "hello dummy, you're sick", but I just didn't put two and two together.
Saturday morning, around 3:30 am, I began to feel really bad and finally took my temperature and of course I had a fever. With medication the fever only went down for a little bit, but then kept climbing all of the way to 102*. I called my ob/gyn and she said that it sounded like I had mastitis and wanted me to go to the ER because "it can get serious fast". Oh joy! Just how I wanted to spend my Saturday. My husband stayed home with baby boy while I spent the next 6 hours in the emergency room. It was seriously ridiculous! They let everyone back before me, even a girl with a not so seriously injured foot who got there way after me. How in the world does an injured foot take precedence over a 102* fever!?!?! I wanted to scream at them "HELLO! Don't you know that I have a 3 week old newborn at home that needs his mommy!". I really hated being away from my little mush mush (Sorry, my family is known for coming up with all kinds of obnoxious nicknames for those we love. We just can't help ourselves. hahaha). At least I got some antibiotics out of the deal and I'm feeling a lot better today. Once my boobies don't hurt anymore I'll be golden. Here's to hoping I never get mastitis again!
I'm Feeling Really Down...
I'm feeling really down about not producing enough milk. They said that my milk supply was likely slow because of the medications that I received during my c-section, but that's been over 2 weeks ago now and my supply still isn't up to snuff. I understand that it's good that I'm even producing any and formula isn't the worst thing in the world, but I'm feeling really down that I'm not producing enough to solely feed my son. I really don't like giving him formula and when I pump and see that I don't have enough it breaks my heart. I hate it when I nurse him and then he cries a short while later because he's still hungry. Before I had him I had planned on breast feeding AND formula feeding due to having Lupus. It isn't recommended to breastfeed because it could cause a flare. I thought that I would be okay with this decision, but my feelings completely changed once I had him. I have a deep desire to provide everything that he needs. I'm embarrassed that I am not enough for him. I feel inadequate.
2 Weeks Old
I can't believe that Cor.ben is 2 weeks old already! Time is going by way too fast and honestly the thought of him growing up way too quickly makes me panic. I love having a newborn. That and the fact that my husband deploys in October and Cor.ben will be almost 9 months old by the time he comes home makes me very sad. Luckily we will get to visit him once during that time and thank God we live in a time where things like Sky.pe exist. It's not the same as face to face interaction, but as my dad would say "it's better than a poke in the eye".
Cor.ben is doing very well and is still such a mild mannered and calm baby. For the most part he still only cries when he's hungry or needs to be changed. If he does get a little fussy for some unknown reason it doesn't last longer than a few seconds and he's chilled out again. Oh how I pray this all lasts! He had a second check-up yesterday and he now weighs 8 lbs 4 oz. He does have a little bit of thrush, which his doctor said is very common in new babies, and has to take an antibiotic for a week :(. Hopefully it won't upset his stomach. Ugh, his umbilical cord stump is still holding on for dear life. It's very short, shriveled, and nasty looking, but it's still not quite ready to come off. I can't wait for it to be gone!
Breastfeeding is going okay and I've started to produce a little more milk, but still not near enough to feed him. It makes me feel sad and disappointed. I really wish that I had enough breast milk for him and I feel guilty having to give him so much formula. I just don't know what else I can do. I've read up on things I can do to help increase my supply, but it just isn't happening. The other morning I was able to pump out 4 oz (I pump between feedings to help stimulate) and I was so thrilled thinking my supply had finally increased enough, but NOPE and I still haven't been able to get that amount again.
Sleep has been pretty good as well. My husband and I take four hour "shifts" at night so that we can each get some straight time of sleep. I pump what I can for him to use during his feedings. Of course we each sleep as much as we can during our shift, but even with this we are still feeling sleepy during the day, so I can't imagine how we would feel if we weren't doing things this way. It's also been helpful because my husband is still on leave. I'll be interested to see how things go once he goes back to work. Wish us luck!
I haven't even given you a chance to miss me...
...but I had to share some more pictures. I love just holding Cor.ben and staring at him. He has been opening his eyes more and more and it's so amazing to just sit there and stare at each other.
First Doctor's Appointment
Cor.ben had his 1st doctor's appointment today and it went really well. I'm so proud of my little guy. I thought for sure that he would scream when he was being examined and especially when he had to be undressed, but he was perfectly behaved. He's in great health and is 3 oz away from being back to his birth weight. I told ya he loves to eat! He's also exactly in the 50th percentile for his height, weight, and head circumference. He does have to be referred out to a cardiologist for an EKG just to double check that my lupus hasn't given him a heart block. However, it's just a precaution because the doctor said if he did have one they would have known about it during my pregnancy and his heart rate now would be slow, which it isn't. Still I'm glad that they're being so thorough.
As for me, I'm doing really well. The swelling in my stomach and lower extremities goes down everyday. It's still clinging on for dear life in my feet, but hopefully that will get better soon. I just can't wait to be able to wear my actual wedding ring again. I miss it!
As for me, I'm doing really well. The swelling in my stomach and lower extremities goes down everyday. It's still clinging on for dear life in my feet, but hopefully that will get better soon. I just can't wait to be able to wear my actual wedding ring again. I miss it!
Picture Post
I introduce to you Cor.ben Elijah. He is such a good baby and man oh man does he love to eat! He loves it so much that our lactation consultant and nursery team told us to supplement with formula as well as breastfeeding him because he was still just so hungry.
I'm still so swollen! You should see my legs and feet! They're like tree trunks due to all of the fluids I was on for days.
I'm still so swollen! You should see my legs and feet! They're like tree trunks due to all of the fluids I was on for days.
Birth Story
As I mentioned in my It's Time!!!! post, August 2nd I went in for my NST and they discovered that my amniotic fluid level was extremely low, so that combined with high blood pressure and contractions every 3 minutes, they decided that it was time for baby Cor.ben to be born! I was so excited thinking that I was going to get to meet my baby boy that day. I will save you the blow by blow details otherwise I may never have the time to tell you my birth story or you very well may just get bored reading a super long post.
Basically after I arrived at L & D to be induced I was started on pitocin and I maxed that out without making any progress. They also inserted a foley bulb to force my cervix to dilate to 4 cm, but after that I still wouldn't progress anymore. They continued to try cytotec, more pitocin, and breaking my water (all of this was occurring over the 4 day period). At some point I did finally get to an 8, but then my cervix became swollen and I went back to 6cm. I was having regular contractions, but they just weren't helping my cervix to dilate or efface. I was able to go 3 days with absolutely no pain meds and my husband and I worked through the contractions like champs. However, when 2 hours after they broke my water and told me that I still had made absolutely no progress I knew that I couldn't keep on being in pain if nothing was working and my last option at this point was to hope that my body would finally decide to dilate or have a c-section. So, I finally got an epidural..... BUT of course that didn't work either. When it first was placed I had relief for about an hour and then it quit working and that button they give you to push when you need more medicine did nothing too. They would push more medication through the catheter and I would have some relief for maybe 30 minutes and then nothing! The next morning (day 4) I still hadn't progressed and it had been about 14 hours since they broke my water and I had a fever, so my last remaining option was to get a c-section.
They had to replace my epidural for surgery since mine wasn't working and let me tell you I think I got the worst person ever! Not only did she do EVERYTHING so slowly, but she was just horrible. I was in so much pain and wanted relief so badly. As you know when you're getting an epidural you have to remain completely still, so it took all of my will power to do that while she's moving slower than a snail and I'm having really painful contractions. The first try she got it in a vein and had to do it again. I thought my husband was going to punch her, he was so mad!
When I got to the OR they discovered that I still had feeling on my left side. They gave me more medicine and I still could feel. At this point they were talking doing a spinal or general anesthesia, but they went ahead and took my epidural out and put in another one. This one seemed to work, so they started the c-section and brought my husband in. I was so excited and nervous that I couldn't look at him or I would burst into tears. Shortly after I heard the most beautiful sound of my baby crying. That was the most amazing moment. They took him over to the table to be cleaned up and started sewing me back up. At this point I started being able to feel pain and what they were doing. My anesthesiologist tried two times adding more medication and it didn't work, so they had to give me a hypnotic medication to make me loopy and out of it. That was the strangest feeling ever! I felt like I was in another world and when I would talk I couldn't tell if sound was actually coming out. The bad part is that I couldn't focus my eyes, so when they brought my son over for me to see I couldn't tell what he looked like. It took them about 30 minutes to put me together and stitch me up and then I went to recovery for a few hours, where the medication finally wore off and my husband was able to bring me my precious baby. Apparently part of the problem was that he was facing sunny side up, but I don't know what is up with my body not responding to any of the treatments. I spent three more days in the hospital and now we're finally home! I'm so in love and loving being a mommy! My husband is an excellent daddy too and I must say that we make a great team. The c-section recovery has also been a breeze and I've been able to do so much more than I thought I would. We even went out to lunch yesterday and stopped by the store to get some stuff for Cor.ben.
Wow, good thing I didn't give the complete details of labor otherwise this would have been a novel! Oops! I'm going to do pictures in a separate post.
Basically after I arrived at L & D to be induced I was started on pitocin and I maxed that out without making any progress. They also inserted a foley bulb to force my cervix to dilate to 4 cm, but after that I still wouldn't progress anymore. They continued to try cytotec, more pitocin, and breaking my water (all of this was occurring over the 4 day period). At some point I did finally get to an 8, but then my cervix became swollen and I went back to 6cm. I was having regular contractions, but they just weren't helping my cervix to dilate or efface. I was able to go 3 days with absolutely no pain meds and my husband and I worked through the contractions like champs. However, when 2 hours after they broke my water and told me that I still had made absolutely no progress I knew that I couldn't keep on being in pain if nothing was working and my last option at this point was to hope that my body would finally decide to dilate or have a c-section. So, I finally got an epidural..... BUT of course that didn't work either. When it first was placed I had relief for about an hour and then it quit working and that button they give you to push when you need more medicine did nothing too. They would push more medication through the catheter and I would have some relief for maybe 30 minutes and then nothing! The next morning (day 4) I still hadn't progressed and it had been about 14 hours since they broke my water and I had a fever, so my last remaining option was to get a c-section.
They had to replace my epidural for surgery since mine wasn't working and let me tell you I think I got the worst person ever! Not only did she do EVERYTHING so slowly, but she was just horrible. I was in so much pain and wanted relief so badly. As you know when you're getting an epidural you have to remain completely still, so it took all of my will power to do that while she's moving slower than a snail and I'm having really painful contractions. The first try she got it in a vein and had to do it again. I thought my husband was going to punch her, he was so mad!
When I got to the OR they discovered that I still had feeling on my left side. They gave me more medicine and I still could feel. At this point they were talking doing a spinal or general anesthesia, but they went ahead and took my epidural out and put in another one. This one seemed to work, so they started the c-section and brought my husband in. I was so excited and nervous that I couldn't look at him or I would burst into tears. Shortly after I heard the most beautiful sound of my baby crying. That was the most amazing moment. They took him over to the table to be cleaned up and started sewing me back up. At this point I started being able to feel pain and what they were doing. My anesthesiologist tried two times adding more medication and it didn't work, so they had to give me a hypnotic medication to make me loopy and out of it. That was the strangest feeling ever! I felt like I was in another world and when I would talk I couldn't tell if sound was actually coming out. The bad part is that I couldn't focus my eyes, so when they brought my son over for me to see I couldn't tell what he looked like. It took them about 30 minutes to put me together and stitch me up and then I went to recovery for a few hours, where the medication finally wore off and my husband was able to bring me my precious baby. Apparently part of the problem was that he was facing sunny side up, but I don't know what is up with my body not responding to any of the treatments. I spent three more days in the hospital and now we're finally home! I'm so in love and loving being a mommy! My husband is an excellent daddy too and I must say that we make a great team. The c-section recovery has also been a breeze and I've been able to do so much more than I thought I would. We even went out to lunch yesterday and stopped by the store to get some stuff for Cor.ben.
Wow, good thing I didn't give the complete details of labor otherwise this would have been a novel! Oops! I'm going to do pictures in a separate post.
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