The past 2 days have been an emotional wreck. On Wednesday I started cramping more than usual and when I would go to the bathroom I would get a pink stain on the toilet tissue. The pink stain progressed to spotting (starting off brown and then bright red), the spotting progressed to blood clots. I went to the doctor yesterday and they did an ultrasound and saw no gestational sac and no baby. Per my LMP I should have been 6w5d at that point and a baby should definitely be seen. He asked me if I was sure my dates were correct and I said yes. Based on that, he said he was 80% sure I had miscarried. They drew a serum HCG just to be sure. He said if my HCG came back at 2000 or above then a baby should definitely be seen and that would prove I had miscarried. He said if it came back at a low number then I may just not be as far along as I think I am. Yesterday I had a lack of pregnancy symptoms, so with that and the spotting and clotting, and no baby on the ultrasound I really felt in my gut that my baby was gone. I've been feeling completely emotionally devastated. I don't remember the last time I cried so hard. I couldn't fall asleep until 5:00 this morning. To make matters worse we won't be moving into our new home until this weekend (so much stress and drama that I'll have to get to another time), so we're staying with my MIL and my 2 SIL's live really close by and one just had a baby and the other is 4 months pregnant. It's been so hard to grieve here.
BUT there might be hope. I got a phone call from my doctor today and my hcg level is 864. So this means that either I miscarried and my numbers are declining or I'm not as far along as I thought and my numbers will increase. I get them checked again on Monday. I do have some pregnancy symptoms again today, but I know that those can still be there as long as hcg is present in my system. I had issues with my cycle last month so I don't know for sure when I ovulated, so I could have my dates off. I have had positive HPT's for the past 2 weeks, which most of the time won't turn positive until around 5 weeks (I think?), however, after doing some reading I learned the brand I bought has been known to give positives as early as 3 weeks (I didn't know that was possible). It could also be a good sign because I'm bleeding very lightly and miscarriages usually have very heavy bleeding (I realize that could still come). The slight increase in bleeding that I've had could be explained from the exam I had yesterday and him "wiggling my uterus to see if it hurts". I feel like I'm grasping at straws and setting myself up for a second heartbreak. I've been heavily grieving the loss of my baby and then I got a renewed hope after the hcg phone call today. I don't want to have to start at ground zero again, but I've also heard of stories like mine where everything ended up being fine. My dr told me that he has a patient with the same thing coming in on friday and everything ended up being okay with their baby.
6 comments:
My heart breaks for you. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. I think all you can do right now is to try to stay calm and positive. Have faith that everything is ok with your baby. I am really hoping that your calculations are off and everything is fine with your baby. I will definitely keep you in thoughts and prayers.((((hugs)))
Defiantly in my prayers , I'm sorry you are going through this.. Stay strong for Carben and yourself.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I am praying for you. ((HUGS))
Stay strong hun! I had really heavy bleeding in the beginning with Vivienne. Clots and dark red blood and there was so much I was just certain I had miscarried. Of course I was wrong and hopefully you are too. I will be praying for you!
Thank you so much everyone. Marjorie your experience with Viv brings me hope. I had my second hcg drawn this morning and should get the results today or tomorrow. I'm praying everything is okay.
I just read this because Ive been without internet for a while but I wanted to let you know Im praying for you! If I could I would give you a big hug right now. God bless you guys and I will be praying Jennifer!
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