True Story

This morning I was trying to distract Corbe.n while I was sneaking bites of cereal in his mouth (if it isn't fruit, eggs, toast, or yogurt in the morning he doesn't want anything to do with it)... anyways... I was distracting him so I was asked him where a tree was and he pointed out the window, I asked him where a bird was and he pointed out the window, I asked him where a hippo was and he pointed to me. HAHAHA! Thanks kiddo. I guess I set myself up for that one being that there was no hippo in sight, but it was still pretty funny. 

I can't believe I haven't blogged in 2 weeks! There's just been SO much going on! A big update post is coming soon.

Growing So Fast

Every single day Corbe.n is doing something new and I feel like I need to document what he's up to, so I never forget how amazing this age is. I'm sure I'll have to come back and add in the things I've forgotten. Let me say in advance that I apologize for the crappy iPhone pictures.

He can now make the appropriate sounds when you ask him "what does a dog say" and "what does a lion say". It's absolutely precious and I want to get it on video so bad, but he has a melt down every time he sees my phone because he wants to play with it.

I have no idea where he learned this one... He has a peekaboo flap book and one page has a penguin and says "peekaboo, flap flap flap, can you flap like penguins do". This week out of nowhere he started flapping his arms after I read him the last part. Amazing.

He can point to his nose, belly, and belly button (his obsession) when you ask him where they are.

He dances when you say "dance dance". It's the cutest dance ever. We call him Happy Feet. He also spins in circles when you say "spin".

He can say tickle, yummy, hi, daddy, mama, baba, out, this, what's that, dog, and thank you. Of course he repeats a lot of words we say too.

Every time we go outside for walks he points at every single tree and says "this?" or "what's that?". Please learn the word tree Co.rben, lol.

He's learning how to blow kisses.

He was going through a period of not wanting to eat and it was SO frustrating. That's when I figured out that he wants to feed himself with the fork or spoon. So now I load the food on the utensil and he grabs it and feeds it to himself. He's SO proud too and gets a big smile every time he does it. He will eat off of a plate now. He also is starting to hate his highchair, but we found he'll eat in a regular chair. I need to get a booster seat pronto!

This was a messy "feed yourself" experiment.

He's about to sprout tooth #5 and #6. Yowzer!

This week he seems to think that his nap should just be 1 to 1 1/2 hours. Not cool buddy!

When standing up he has started bending over and resting on his head (think yoga position downward dog) and then he'll take off running on his hands and feet. Hilarious! 

He wants to have his shoes on all the time. He'll bring them to you and whine until you put them on him.

Well buddy you already have shoes on, sooo I'm not quite sure what to do here.

He loves to put his block or Lego container on his head. He looks like space boy, lol.

Don't worry he can take it off super easily.

  He's constantly pretending to talk on the phone. This is one of my favorite things.

What you can't talk on your silverware? It's the newest technology.

He speaks his baby alien language all day long and really thinks he's saying important things. 

He brings me his block container to open for him. It warms my heart.

When he sees something he wants he points to it and says "this!". 

When I'm sitting on the floor he'll sit in my lap when I ask him to or when he wants me to put on his shoes or read him a book.

He loves to run from me when he knows I'm trying to get him for a diaper change or something.

He loves to have his teeth brushed and will come running if you ask him if he wants to brush his teeth.

When I say "back massage" he starts pounding on my back. 

He understands so many things that we say. It blows my mind.

I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!

The BEST Crockpot Chili Recipe

 This is seriously the BEST chili recipe and you must try it! I want to eat it until I go into a food induced coma.

Ingredients:

·        1 ½ lbs ground turkey (or beef)
·         2 tsp olive oil

·        1 medium onion

·        2 cans (14 oz) diced tomatoes with chili

·        1 c. water

·        1 can (8 oz) tomato sauce

·        ¾ c. beef

·        3 tbs chili powder

·        1 ½ tsp minced garlic

·        2 tsp cumin

·        1 tsp salt

·        ½ tsp dried oregano

·        1 can black beans and 1 can red kidney beans

·        ¼ c. cilantro

Directions: combine and cook in crockpot for 8 hours. When served in bowls I topped mine with shredded cheese and sour cream.

 

Cutest Little Boy Ever

...coming right up! I went to download some pictures off my camera and found some on there that I had forgotten about. 

I have this heavy pit in my chest and a sadness that is always with me. I wish that it would go away, but it won't. I think about the baby every second of the day. When I'm reading Corbe.n his stories I'm thinking about the baby at the same time. When I carry on conversations, my mind is really somewhere else. I went about a week without talking to anyone at all because I didn't know how I was supposed to be. I didn't want to talk about the baby because I couldn't handle it, but I didn't want to not talk about the baby either because I don't want to act like it meant nothing by carrying on talking about regular things. I'm full of so much regret and longing for something that is not possible for me to have back. I'm sure many people can't comprehend being so sad about losing a baby that I never even had the chance to know... that I only carried inside me for 7 weeks, but I loved that baby immensely from the very beginning and I just want my child back. I know that I need to move on because I can't change what happened and I can't live in grief forever. I just don't know how to make this sadness go away.

I lost the baby

Sorry I'm just now updating. We just got the internet hooked up in our new place. I got the call Monday that my hcg level went from 864 to 70 in just 3 days. They did say that it's extremely odd that my level dropped that quickly, especially since I hardly bled and I never saw the baby come out. They want me to get it rechecked in a week to see if it continued to go down or back up. They've seen it happen where levels have dramatically dropped and then started to go back up. I however don't want the false hope. I don't feel pregnant anymore and my pregnancy tests went from extremely dark lines to now just a extremely faint positive. I'll test again in a few days, but I firmly believe it's just the Lord being merciful and returning my levels to normal quicker than usual.

I'm extremely heartbroken. I think about the baby every second of everyday. I have such a hard time falling asleep at night with thoughts of the baby running through my mind. It's at night that I'm most reminded of my loss. The baby put me to sleep at 9:30 every night. It was impossible for me to stay up any later and I fell asleep immediately. Not having that exhausted feeling makes me so sad. We already had names picked out and started making lists of things we needed to get. We had hopes and dreams and so much excitement. I'm just so sad. I never would have imagined that this would have happened. I want my baby back. I wish I knew why this happened. It just doesn't seem real.

Terrified- Prayers Needed

The past 2 days have been an emotional wreck. On Wednesday I started cramping more than usual and when I would go to the bathroom I would get a pink stain on the toilet tissue. The pink stain progressed to spotting (starting off brown and then bright red), the spotting progressed to blood clots. I went to the doctor yesterday and they did an ultrasound and saw no gestational sac and no baby. Per my LMP I should have been 6w5d at that point and a baby should definitely be seen. He asked me if I was sure my dates were correct and I said yes. Based on that, he said he was 80% sure I had miscarried. They drew a serum HCG just to be sure. He said if my HCG came back at 2000 or above then a baby should definitely be seen and that would prove I had miscarried. He said if it came back at a low number then I may just not be as far along as I think I am. Yesterday I had a lack of pregnancy symptoms, so with that and the spotting and clotting, and no baby on the ultrasound I really felt in my gut that my baby was gone. I've been feeling completely emotionally devastated. I don't remember the last time I cried so hard. I couldn't fall asleep until 5:00 this morning. To make matters worse we won't be moving into our new home until this weekend (so much stress and drama that I'll have to get to another time), so we're staying with my MIL and my 2 SIL's live really close by and one just had a baby and the other is 4 months pregnant. It's been so hard to grieve here. 

BUT there might be hope. I got a phone call from my doctor today and my hcg level is 864. So this means that either I miscarried and my numbers are declining or I'm not as far along as I thought and my numbers will increase. I get them checked again on Monday. I do have some pregnancy symptoms again today, but I know that those can still be there as long as hcg is present in my system. I had issues with my cycle last month so I don't know for sure when I ovulated, so I could have my dates off. I have had positive HPT's for the past 2 weeks, which most of the time won't turn positive until around 5 weeks (I think?), however, after doing some reading I learned the brand I bought has been known to give positives as early as 3 weeks (I didn't know that was possible). It could also be a good sign because I'm bleeding very lightly and miscarriages usually have very heavy bleeding (I realize that could still come). The slight increase in bleeding that I've had could be explained from the exam I had yesterday and him "wiggling my uterus to see if it hurts". I feel like I'm grasping at straws and setting myself up for a second heartbreak. I've been heavily grieving the loss of my baby and then I got a renewed hope after the hcg phone call today. I don't want to have to start at ground zero again, but I've also heard of stories like mine where everything ended up being fine. My dr told me that he has a patient with the same thing coming in on friday and everything ended up being okay with their baby.

Please pray that my baby is okay and that either way I will be able to quickly recover from whatever the outcome is. Thank you.