Hard Things

I've been dealing with some hard things lately. It has taken me quite some time to process it all and I don't think I'm close to figuring it all out. However I prefer to start with happy and update on my precious baby. 

I'm currently 23w4d pregnant with a perfectly adorable little BOY! We are so excited to be adding a boy to our family. I think that C.orben is the most excited of all. He talks about how excited he is to have a brother at least once a day and he's constantly kissing on my belly and bringing me glasses of water to make sure his brother is taken care of. He can't wait until they're old enough to share a room and he's insisting that they have bunk beds. I feel so blessed that despite everything that's going on with me Uriah is completely healthy. Praise God! Next week I'll do a proper pregnancy update and give him the attention he deserves. 

 

On to the hard things...  Around mid-July I suddenly came down with the worst headache possible. The pain to the front and especially back of my head was excruciating and nothing made it better. I tried tylenol, hydrating, laying down, heating pads, ice packs, "migraine" sound tracks on youTube.... Nothing touched it. I assumed that I had a bad migraine and called the after hours OB line at my doctors to see if they could call me in something to help. Their answer, of course, was to go to the ER. I thought they were just giving me a pitiful answer because they didn't feel like contacting the on-call OB. I couldn't imagine sitting in an ER waiting room for hours with all of the sounds and lights with how bad my head was hurting. I sucked it up and fell asleep with ice packs on my head. 

The next morning I called my OB's nurse and she also said to go to the ER. I blew them off thinking they were ridiculous sending me to the ER for a migraine. Two days later my right side went numb. I thought that it was from sciatica and decided to wait a week and mention it at my 20 week ultrasound. When I told them what was going my OB told me that it was very important that I go to the ER immediately to make sure I wasn't having a stroke. I was extremely annoyed thinking they were overreacting. Obviously I wasn't having a stroke and they were going to make me waste $200 on my ER copay to find out I was having a migraine and sciatica. I went to urgent care first (I am so stubborn sometimes) and they said I needed to go to the ER instead. Apparently it takes four times of repetition to get me to listen. At the ER, after an extremely long wait, they gave me an MRI...

I'll never forget the ER doctor coming in the room, putting her hand on knee, and saying "we need to talk". That was not what I was expecting to hear. I honestly had no doubt that everything was just fine. She then informed me that I had a bleed in my brain and that it was from something called a cavernoma. I was admitted to the hospital and the neurologist explained to me that a cavernoma is an an abnormal growth of thin-walled blood vessels, that cluster together like a raspberry, it's like a "blood vessel tumor". When they bleed it causes a hemorrhagic stroke and the symptoms depend on the location of the cavernoma and the extent of the bleeding. In the case of a major bleed it would cause death. There is nothing that can cause a cavernoma to bleed nor anything that can prevent a cavernoma from bleeding. The only treatment is surgery to remove the cavernoma. The cavernoma that I have is located in my brain stem, on the lower right portion of the medulla. It is in an accessible location, but surgery would still be very risky. Right now the game plan with my neurologist, high risk OB, and perinatologist is to continue to monitor me closely and if I have another bleed to take it from there. I've seen one neurosurgeon and will see a second one in October to decide what's next after I have Uriah.

So, now that the formalities are out of the way that leaves me with my fears and my feelings. I have 100% faith and knowledge that God loves me and is in control of my life. However, I don't know what obstacles I'm going to go through in this life or when my life will end. God never promises us a struggle free life or a life ending in old age. I am so completely afraid of dying from this and leaving my kids without a mother. I'm not giving myself too much credit, I know that if I were to be taken from them that God would take care of them and provide for them, just as he has for me. But I WANT to be here, I want to raise them, I want to kiss their little faces everyday, and watch them grow. I don't want to miss anything and I don't want them to be without me. The fear of the possibilities has been overwhelming. These thoughts have been my stumbling block and the fear of it did cause me to pull back from God for a little while. That to me is the worst part of this all. I always want to love God and cling to Him no matter my circumstances. I am no where near where I need to be, but I have realized that this is a blessing of a growth opportunity, even more so then when I was having the major challenges associated with not being able to conceive. A cavernoma isn't a guaranteed death sentence... it isn't terminal cancer... but it is a giant unknown. Will it bleed again? If it does bleed again what will the consequences be? It feels like a giant ticking time bomb and I have absolutely no control over it. That's hard. BUT that's where our faith is tested. I can either live in paralyzing fear, afraid to move, and not lean on God, or I can treat this trial as God intended and grow from it and bring Him glory.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness, and let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:2-4).

 "We felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead" (2 Corinthians 1:9). 

"I sought the Lord, and he delivered me from all of my fears" (Psalm 34:4).

NT Scan

Let me just tell you that I have one stubborn baby ;).  I went in for my NT scan last Monday and the tech could not get the baby in the proper position to get the measurements she needed. She did get me a really cute profile shot though. I rescheduled to come back on Friday to try again and once again the baby was in a bad position for measurements. This new tech put in major work and patience and we finally got what we needed. I think everything looked good, but I go to the doctor this week to find out the results.  The kids came with us to the ultrasound and that was so much fun! It's the best feeling in the world to be welcoming another baby into our family and for our other kids, C.orben especially, to be at the age to understand what's going on and to be so excited about it.

The excited big brother and sister.

A very bad belly shot, but the best I could do. I might be a little bigger than this now.

12 weeks and How We Found Out

I'm now 12 weeks 1 day pregnant and finally starting to feel more like myself. Up until about 11 weeks I felt nauseous all day long and so tired. It was really hard to get anything done. I also just didn't feel like myself, and to be honest, that made me feel a little blue and really grumpy. Now I have some more energy and the days where I feel like puking are a rare thing. Yes! I also started getting a belly and I'm trying to embrace it and not feel self-conscious. My husband swears I look pregnant and not like I drank too many 12 packs, so I'm choosing to believe him. I absolutely LOVE having a big pregnant belly, but feel self-conscious during the "is she pregnant or fat?" stage. We get an ultrasound in 3 days so I'll include a belly shot with that post.

For memories sake I'll tell the story of how we found out we were expecting this sweet little baby. We had been trying to get pregnant for 10 months and I was really feeling like it wasn't going to happen and that God didn't have any more children planned for us. It was just a gut feeling that I couldn't shake. I had decided that after this month I wasn't going to try anymore. It was just too hard! I couldn't handle another trial of infertility like we did with Corbe.n.

April 3rd, a day before my period was due,  I woke up feeling really nauseous and ended up puking all day. I didn't at all think I was pregnant because I've never had morning sickness that early and it felt to me like a stomach virus. I felt better the next day, but decided to take a pregnancy test just to see, like I had every month. I snuck downstairs while my husband was sleeping and took a test and immediately it came back positive. Let me tell you after so many negatives I was not expecting a positive. I was shaking so bad and ran upstairs with the test and scared my husband awake, very romantically shouting and crying  "Babe, I know why I was puking yesterday. LOOK!", while then shoving the test in his face. I wish I would have told him in some cute, or at least less scary way, but it is a funny story.

So now here I am 12 weeks pregnant and feeling so blessed and so excited! Up until this point I have been absolutely stressed out and so scared about losing this baby, but luckily along with the morning sickness that too is fading. God is good! I'll be back in a few days with our NT scan results and pictures!

Dusting Things Off

I have returned and I must say that I'm astonished at how long it's been since I've blogged! I just felt like I ran out of things to say. I decided to come back because I really began to regret no longer having this online memory keeper of my children growing up. 

Right now my blog is a complete disaster. I don't know what happened but my background disappeared and a bunch of my pictures aren't displaying anymore. I'm trying to figure it out, but I'm not as tech savvy as I used to be. So the next little while will be spend trying to get back what I had or at least come up with something new.

Things have been well the past few years... My baby boy is now almost five and my little princess will be 3 next month! I can't believe it! We are also thrilled to be expecting baby #3 in early December! We're all so excited! I can't wait to kiss some fresh little baby cheeks!



 
 More updates to come soon!

Beyond Blessed

 I'm so beyond blessed. Thank you Lord for these beautiful, amazing, sweet babies that you have entrusted me with.

 

I Ran My First 5k!

 Saturday I ran my first 5k and I'm still on cloud nine and completely emotional about it. 

Let's go in reverse here for a little bit. I've been busting my butt the past few months with working out and getting back into running as well. I'm not one of those lucky people where breastfeeding makes them magically drop the pounds and transform into a hot mama. I'm the type where it makes your body hold onto the fat for dear life. What a new experience for me! I've always been very thin, in fact I always had a crazy fast metabolism and had to work hard to maintain a healthy weight. After I had C.orben I lost the weight very quickly once I started eating a healthy diet. I thought that would work after having Quinn as well. I switched to a clean eating diet and good portion sizes, but the last 15 lbs WOULD NOT budge and worst of all my stomach always looked very pregnant. It was so depressing! I cried a lot over how I looked. Finally I had enough and signed up for a gym membership (home workouts do not work for me) and I bought 4 personal training sessions to get me started and to expand my knowledge base.

I met with my trainer once a week and then (and still now) work out 5-6 days a week. I really focus on pushing myself outside of my comfort level. My goal is to not just be a healthy weight, but to be toned. It feels really good to exercise! Not to mention it's a wonderful stress reliever and gives me some alone time away from the house... and by house, I mean the kids, but for some reason I feel like a bad Mom saying that. 

One of my other goals is to get back into running and to become an actual runner. There is a 5k in May that I was planning on working towards and having that be my first 5k. I didn't think I would be ready before then. Until my husband told me about the 5k that I ended up running and we decided to just go for it. I was nervous, especially after an injury (post tibial tendonitis) set my training back, but then I decided to not worry about it and to just have fun. It would be great to do well, but if I ended up having to walk it, no big deal. I just wanted to enter and have a good time. 

Well folks, it was exhilarating! What an amazing feeling! I ran the entire 5k and finished in 30 minutes. Getting around all of the people walking slowed me down quite a bit in the beginning, but that's okay because my goal was to finish in 30 minutes and that's what I did. Crossing the finish line was completely emotional and I'll admit without shame that I cried. To finish this goal was just.... WOW! I am so thankful to God for enabling me to complete this goal. I really felt Him there with me. 

Now I can't wait to reach my weight loss goal (7 more lbs to go!) and to reach my fitness goal of being toned. I'm excited to do more races and to watch my running ability get better and better. I don't know if anything will top the feeling of completing this first 5k though. I'm so dang proud of myself!


 

My Little Cowboy

Corbe.n got to ride a pony at the rodeo today. He kept saying "Yeehaw! Yeehaw! Hi pony!". Quinn on the other hand slept through her first rodeo experience.

 

7 Months

Man this post is late! I never thought I would be such a slacker on updating, but here I am in total slackville. Sorry baby girl! I promise this isn't a reflection of my love for you.

This has been a big month! Quinn is crawling now, will pull herself to standing from my leg, and goes from crawling to sitting and vice versa. It all happened so quickly too. Corb.en spent 2 months rocking on his hands and knees proficiently before he started crawling. Quinn started consistently getting on her hands and knees one day and then the next she started crawling. She's still not completely strong enough to get very far and takes about four crawls (is that a word?) before she needs to rest. She is loving the freedom though... her brother not so much. I will admit that I find his reaction amusing when Quinn gets to the toys he's playing with. 

Well folks, I got the shaft once again. If you remember I was hopeful that my second born was going to honor me with babbling "mama" before "dadda". Nope. My husband is now 2/2 in this milestone. Quinn busted out with "dadda" and then "nana" and then "nene" and there is not a hint of a "mama" to come. My husband, in trying to make me feel better, said that "nene" really meant mommy, haha! I love that man.  

This girl still loves to eat and she is so good at it! She likes her purees thick and chunky and while we didn't purposefully take a BLW (baby led weaning) approach, she chows down on toast sticks, and similar things, like a champ and she loves it! It's great because it enables us to actually eat when she does instead of having to frantically keep shoveling puree in her mouth or else deal with a very angry baby. 

I don't know quite where to start this next part because so much has happened, so I'll try to keep it short and sweet. For several months Quinn was really fussy, not sleeping well, and just wanted to be held and comforted a lot of the time. If you tried to set her down to get something done it would result in a meltdown. 

About a month after this started and hit a peak we found out that she had an ear infection. After her round of antibiotics (I really want to go off on a tangent about that, but I won't) she seemed better for a little while and then it all started up again. Her doctor suspected teething and had us try medication at night before bed. Didn't work and in fact she got worse. At this point she was waking up every 2-3 hours screaming at night. The second you picked her up she would fall asleep on you... until you laid her back down and then it would be screaming again. She would also cry when you would lay her down for diaper changes. 

Ding! Ding! Ding! Cue the light bulb going off. She has GERD (acid reflux). My Mom's side of the family has this really bad due to a hiatal hernia and I even had surgery for it. Corb.en had it REALLY BAD until he was almost 1. We didn't initially suspect it in Quinn because she didn't display the severe symptoms that her brother did. Now I realize that this is because exclusively breastfed babies tend to not suffer from reflux as severely. Once we started her on the medication we noticed an instant improvement and after about 2 weeks, combined with learning what foods she couldn't handle, she was completely back to normal. Praise God! I feel really guilty that she was suffering for 3 months before we figured out what was going on. Both C.orben and Quinn had their reflux symptoms start up at 3 months of age, so with our next baby I will just strongly request that we have some on hand before things get bad.

With each month that passes she gets to be more and more fun. It's so exciting to watch her personality blossom and really come out and I'm really looking forward to watching all the new things that she's going to learn to do.

I love you baby girl to the moon and back! 



 

New Years Non-Resolutions

I hate doing anything that's trendy or fadish, so even when something is a good idea I resist it until I finally concede that it's awesome and would make my life easier (umm hmm I'm talking about you Pinterest). With this personality trait of mine I have never been one to make New Years resolutions, so that's totally not what I'm doing here-- haha! It's just that with a crisp refreshing cold front finally arriving in Texas it has made the New Year feel like a clean slate and a chance to make changes to be who I want to be.

So, here are my New Years Non-Resolutions:

• Continue pre-planning meals and eating a clean diet. 
• Eating clean was another thing that I avoided researching because it seemed so fadish and snobby, but after lupus kicking me to the ground and feeling constantly to the bone exhausted I knew I needed to make changes. I've been eating clean for about a month now and I've lost weight and I feel great! It's not hard like I thought it would be and it's actually easier to plan and cook meals than before. My go-to website is www.thegraciouspantry.com. She's amazing and everything is so full of flavor!
•  Start running again. 
• When my husband and I were separated (physically, not maritally) due to the military, running was my form of therapy. It's what got me through the tough times. I have been aching to start running again. Not only is it the cheapest form of exercise, it feels so darn good. My husband and I would really like to run a 5k in a few months. I'm just having a tough time figuring out the best time of day to fit in a run with my husband's crazy schedule. I tried the jogging stroller thing when Cor.ben was a baby and honestly I need for this to be a part of my "me time". Which brings me to...
• Make time to pamper myself and just be "me".
• I have whole heartedly thrown myself into the role of wife and mother and have left ZERO time for myself. While I love these roles more than anything I need time to just be Jennifer. While my family was visiting for Christmas my sister plucked my eyebrows and did my nails and it felt amazing and reawakened my need to do things for myself. My plan is to get out on a minimum every 2 weeks to just go sit at a bookstore and read by myself with a cup of coffee. This was my favorite pre-baby thing to do and I miss it so much. I'm also going to start getting my eyebrows professionally waxed and maybe even my nails painted. Getting my eyebrows done was another pre-baby thing I always did and it's crazy how something so small makes you feel so much better about yourself. I always have my toenails painted, but last night I painted my fingernails a sassy red and I feel so pretty and fancy even though I'm just wearing yoga pants and a sweatshirt right now. Also, while I don't think I would do it on a regular basis, every once in awhile I'd like to get my nails shellaced. 
• Read my bible for at least 10 minutes a night.
•  I haven't been making my relationship with God a priority lately and I feel the hole that it has left in my life. I miss the closeness that I used to have with Him and I want to get back to that place. I realized the other night that after the kids are in bed my husband and I waste so much time immediately getting on the computer or putting on a TV show. While that is a great way to relax after a crazy day- and we will continue to do that- we would feel so much more refreshed if we immediately spent at least 10 minutes reading the bible and reconnecting with God. 
• Make my marriage a priority
• In the past year we have had a major move, had a miscarriage (that still hurts), my husband has started a new career with an entirely different schedule, had a baby (holy crap that's been an adjustment), bought a house, and we're both still in school (and I probably will be until I'm 90). That's been a lot and has required our active focus to be on other things besides each other. Now that the dust is settling a little, I would like to take the time to focus on letting my husband know, without words, how much I love him and how great I think he is. I found some great ideas on this website: Dating Divas: Strengthening Marriages One Date at a Time. What we really need is a babysitter! It's just so hard to trust someone with your children. We did hear that a 17 year old on our street is a good babysitter, so hopefully we can meet her soon and have someone that we are comfortable with so we can actually-- GASP!-- go on a date together! While my family was visiting we went out to a movie together and it was great. The downer was that we went really late at night and I was so tired. It would be nice to go out early for dinner and a movie.

So those are my New Years Non-Resolutions! I'm really excited about them and hope that I don't lose focus and let life streamroll over me. I know that if I just get started on these things that they will become a permanent part of my life and boy oh boy do I NEED them to be.



 

So That's How it Happens

I've really taken it to heart to cherish my children's childhoods after a bigillion parents of grown children have told me, while wearing a kicked puppy dog expression, to enjoy my children because they grow up way too fast. I now watch C.orben for signs of this horrible growing up thing much as a terminal cancer patient watches for signs of "the end". That sounds dramatic, but it's true... I'm already mourning my son growing up. Even with tantrums or his inability to be reasoned with at times, I absolutely love the age that he's at right now. I love it when he nonsensically jabbers away. I love the funny way he runs. I love that he finds joy in the small things like a walk to the mailbox. I love that he needs for his daddy to put on a show with his sesame street dolls before he goes to sleep. I love that he still needs me to hold his hand before he steps off of a steep curb. I love that right now mommy and daddy are his only source of comfort. There is no other comparable feeling of joy in my heart as to what I feel when he says "hold me mama". 

So with all of this in mind, I've been wondering how will it happen... How will my sweet little boy turn into a 'big boy', a tween, a teen, and then a grown man who doesn't need his mommy anymore? Will it happen gradually? Will it happen overnight? I've learned that the answer is both. While he hasn't yet sprouted a beard or asked me for my car keys, he's doing more and saying more every single day. What has me most taken aback and causes me to feel a mixture of pride and panic is that he spells. He spells every word he sees... 'Dell' from my computer, 'Opposites' off of the cover of one of his books, etc. Most shocking though was when I was sitting at the table talking with my husband over smoothies and Corb.en completely spelled out "Starbucks Coffee" from the side of my reusable cup. Our jaws hit the floor. Yesterday he started saying "hypothesis". I have a little boy who spells and says things like hypothesis. My sweet little boy is growing up. 

 

Corben These Days

My awesome little boy,

You are so cool, did you know that? I love being your Mom. You are so smart and so sweet and I want to hug you every 2.5 seconds. You've really hit a language boom and getting to hear what's on your mind is something I've been looking forward to for a long time. The only downside is you've developed a love for trying to claim everything and like to say "Mine! Mine! Mine!". I hide from you how cute I think it is when you say it because I want you to remember to share with others. 

You're saying several new things every day and man you are so smart! Thanks in part to the show Super Why you know all of the letters of the alphabet and can say 20 of them. As I type this you are spelling out D-E-L-L on my computer. You know some of your colors and are getting better at counting. You shocked me when one day we were watching the movie 'A Turtle's Tale: Sammy's Adventure' and you said "Oh two turtles!" and then when one got swept up in a net you exclaimed "Oh mama! One turtle!". You have really started using your imagination when you play and it's so adorable.

You are completely obsessed with Elmo and ask me to go see him at Sea World at least 15 times a day. They have the Elmo show there that you love. Afterwards we get to hug and give high fives to the characters and when it's time to go you get so upset. You have a little Elmo and Murray plush doll that you love. Guess what! I got you a Ernie one for your Christmas stocking! I can't wait for you to see it. I also got a Cookie Monster for your sister, but I don't doubt that you will confiscate it. Also at Sea World they have a little train ride for Christmas time that you love. As we wait in line you say "My choo choo ride!". Out of nowhere you have started liking cowboys. You have a cowboy hat from one of your Halloween costumes that you like to wear and whenever you see a cowboy on TV or someone wearing a cowboy hat you get excited and yell "Mama cowboy!". You also love to help me cook and do anything that involves helping me with your sister. When she cries you pat her back and tell her it's okay. 

You surprised daddy and I and decided to branch out from the very limited list of things that you would eat. Thank God! Now at dinner time we serve you something we know that you like, such as applesauce, and in order to get it you have to eat what a few bites of what we're having for dinner first. After that you willingly eat both.

We got your twin bed awhile back and you love it so much. Daddy and I love to snuggle with you in there and often when your Daddy goes to check on you at night he almost falls asleep in there with you. I still need some finishing touches on your new room, but I already think it's awesome.

Poop. Oh freaking poop! You have decided that pooping in the potty is torture and will not do it. You were doing awesome with it thanks to some dum dum bribery, but now not at all. It's frustrating, but you'll get there when you decide that it's your idea to do so. You're still doing great with pee though.... please start pooping in the potty again soon though mmkay... please!

You are on the go all day long and don't sit still very often, but overall you've been a pretty easy 2 year old. I'm so thankful for that! I'm so blessed to be your Mom and am so thankful for every time I get to hear you say "Hold me mama". I love you very very much.

Telling me you want to give Elmo a high five.

What I get most of the time I try to take a picture of you these days. "No mama!"

After helping me make smoothies.

An oldie, but a goodie.

 

Quinn- 6 Months Old

Sweet baby girl,

On one hand it seems like you've always been a part of our family and on the other I can't believe 6 months has gone by since your birth. Yesterday I was looking back at pictures of you around a month old and my heart hurt; you were so tiny and fragile and fit perfectly in my arms. It would be nice to go back in time and breathe in just a little bit more of that newborn time. However, now is pretty good too. You're rapidly becoming this little person. You are interactive and have likes and dislikes, you play with toys, and you love your family. There is no feeling on this earth like the love that you show towards us.

You are so vocal! The amount of squeals, grunts and growls that come out of you is so entertaining. Yesterday you were carrying on quite the conversation with your doctor and she said you felt very strongly about whatever it was you were trying to tell her. You just started making Mmm sounds and I've been trying to get you to babble "mama", haha. I think it's only fair since your brother did "dadda" first. You are my snuggle bunny and I don't think you would mind one bit if you were held all day long.

Now on top of rolling like a pro you have started scooting a little and you drag yourself in the direction you want to be. You sit up completely well- no more tripod sitting for you my dear- and you stand up on your own when you're holding onto something. You're so strong! Next week you'll probably be bench pressing your brother.

You absolutely love to eat! You nurse every 2-3 hours and thank God I have a freezer stash because when your growth spurts hit you are so hard to keep up with. You hit a growth spurt at 5 months that luckily wasn't as bad as your 3 month growth spurt, but you would NOT sleep without getting topped off with some pumped milk. We started solids with you about a month ago, but a few weeks ago you started getting 3 meals a day. You made it clear you wanted some real food and you wanted it right away. You would grab for our food and cry. I tried nursing you, but you didn't want any part of it. What really shocks me is the amount of food you can consume. There was no learning curve with you figuring out how to eat and getting used to it. I've had a lot of fun making your baby food for you. So far you've liked everything except for avocado. That you would have no part of.

Unfortunately teething has hit you really hard. This past week has been especially rough. At night you've been waking up every 2 hours needing some comforting and snuggles. Ooohwee it has made for one tired mama! It's wiped you out too and during the day you've been so grumpy and clingy. I took you to the doctor yesterday just to make sure there wasn't anything else going on, like an ear infection. Last night I finally gave you some ibuprofen and you did so much better. I hate giving you medicine, but it's not fair to make you suffer either. Since you got some good rest last night you've been a much happier girl today.

I love you to the moon and back, my sweet Quinn. While it's sad how quickly you're growing I really am enjoying it and seeing your personality blossom.

Stats: 17 lbs even and 26 inches



Taking your 6 month pictures was so hilarious! You kept making the funniest faces. As your mother who loves you and to save your future self from having to yell at me, I won't post the bad ones. 

You love your brothers cars and trucks.

Just looking at your face makes me so happy!

Keeping your brother company while he takes a bath.

On a rare chilly day here in Texas.

This picture is older, but I love it so much.

Proof that you and your brother are twins 22 months apart. The two of you at 1 month old.

 

Coffee Revolution

I am a coffee addict. I could drink it all day long if it wasn't so bad for you, but as it is right now I have about 2-4 cups a day. In line with my desire to eat healthier and more naturally-- and lose the 6 lbs of pregnancy weight I have left, which is all sitting on my stomach... UGH!-- I've been looking into clean eating (here's a great resources that also has tons of recipes). The biggest obstacle I knew I would face is sweetening my coffee. Awhile back I switched from flavored coffee creamer to half & half and sugar. I knew I needed to make changes, but couldn't imagine enjoying my coffee unless it had sugar in it. However, I did some research into some healthier options and tried them out. I'm amazed! I personally prefer my coffee on the sweeter creamier side, so what follows suits that and I like it so much better than my drug of choice... Starbucks Cafe Mocha. It could easily be tweaked to be stronger and more traditional if preferred. 

Put a small dollop of honey at the bottom of your coffee mug, add a splash of half & half, pour in your coffee, add a dash of cinnamon, stir, then top with whipped cream. Obviously it would be best to leave out the whipped cream, but to me it really makes it seem like such a treat. Eventually I'll try leaving out the half & half or the whipped cream. If you're trying to cut refined sugar out of your diet and are a coffee addict like me I definitely recommend try replacing it with honey. I was so pleasantly surprised!