I am in shock right now! As you know, AF has been late. I'm on day 6 of lateness and didn't feel off or anything. I was at the store shopping for my dh's co-workers baby shower and decided to get a pregnancy test just to put my mind at ease so I could concentrate on studying. I just knew it would be negative, but wanted to put my thoughts to rest. So..... I get home and immediately POAS. And guess what...............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BFP!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!! I so did not expect this! Immediately the "pregnant" line came up and I was thinking "wait that's the pregnant line, could it be????" Then the second line immediately popped up. I was shaking and crying so bad. I immediately called DH at work and screamed "I told myself that I would wait to tell you, but I'M PREGNANT!", then immediately burst into more loud sobs. He was so surprised! We immediately called everyone. I can't believe this is me right now. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! Someone please come pinch me! How in the world am I going to study for my finals now? Thank you Lord, thank you Lord, thank you Lord! Now I just need to concentrate on keeping this baby in my womb. I'm going to just show up at my doctors office tomorrow morning and see if they will put me on blood thinners right away or what they need to do. WOW! This is crazy!So, without further adu here is my baby's (ahhhh I can't believe I can say that) first hello.
It has been so cold this week. I wish that I was a bear and that I could just hibernate all winter long. I'm sure I would miss out on a lot of fun things, but at least I would be warm. I think that I'm making a fireplace a must for where ever we move next. I guess I shouldn't complain, it's only 48* here and I have friends in Denver where it is 8*, Reno where it is 0*, and California where it is 26*. Ha! Who am I kidding? I'm gonna complain anyways. I'm cold!I don't have really have anything new to report this week. It must be a busy week for a few of my doctors offices because I've been having a hard time getting in touch with them or getting them to call me back. I think most people are gearing up for Christmas. I've had a busy week myself with school finals. I should be studying now, but I'm tired and I would much rather talk to all of you. I'm having some layout indecision and I keep changing mine. It's annoying because I then have to change the font color on each blog entry so it matches. I hope that it doesn't send out a notification to all of you each time I edit a blog entry. Please let me know if it does because I don't want to annoy everyone. Well, that's all that I can bore you with for now. I think that I just managed to talk about absolutely nothing. Until the next time I have something to ramble on about, I hope that you all are happy, doing well, and warm!
Where I am this week:Still just figuring everything out with the Lupus and what that's going to mean for my daily life. I just want to be well informed and to know what to do. I was experiencing some pretty bad pain and was told by my rheumatologist to go to the ER and that I might need to be admitted. We went to the ER, got some testing done, and some meds and luckily I didn't need to be admitted. One thing that I am sick of is needles. I use to have great veins, but I think that due to their over use recently they are not performing well. Now when I need anything done it requires MULTIPLE sticks. When I was in the ICU this year they eventually just put in a PICC line. I wish that was something that I could do every time. Plus, for some reason my skin is super-sensitive right now and the tourniquet absolutely kills me. My heart starts beating fast when I know a stick is coming, which is so strange for me coming from the medical field.I'm also waiting for AF to make her grand appearance. I've been cramping for the past 2 days and I wish she would just show up already. I don't feel like dealing with AF and the accompanying pain this month. Can't I just skip it? Wouldn't it be great if we had an off switch?The biggest news this week is about the love and generosity of my in-laws. I have definitely been blessed in the in-law department. They are close and so loving and have embraced me into the family. It's wonderful! My dh told me that his sister and her husband talked and wanted to offer being a surrogate for us should we ever need one. WHAT? WOW!!!! I'm so unbelievably touched, amazed, and thankful. For them to offer this with out us even asking is so... WOW! To think that they would think of us in that way. What a selfless, amazing, HUGE gift. Plus his sister is just amazing and I couldn't think of anyone else who would do a better job of carrying our baby. DH was kinda shocked at first because he didn't completely understand surrogacy and that it would be his swimmers and MY egg, not his sisters. Still, I guess technically his sister would be carrying his baby, lol, but who would be better for it than family? Of course, we're hoping that I will be able to carry our children myself, but I'm so relieved and thankful that we have another option should the need arise. Thank you sister! We love you so much!
Today I had my rheumatology appointment. After reviewing my labs and my current symptoms/health problems the doctor is pretty certain that I have Lupus (specifically Systemic Lupus Erythematosus- SLE) and that it is currently affecting several organ systems; my brain, chest, intestines, and kidneys. I had 27 labs drawn today, yes 27! She rushed those labs and I will follow up with her next week to find out for sure and what the treatment plan will be. We definitely need to be aggressive and it needs to be treated seriously. She said that they may admit me to the hospital next week and that if any of my symptoms increase in severity before then that I need to go and be admitted to the hospital and start treatment. Scary! This goes for the future too. Any time I have any sort of problem I need to be seen immediately.Most likely I will start on high dose steroids, aspirin, or immunosuppressants. I'm going to be very interested to find out more information and to see how this is going to effect my daily life. I read that in the '50's people with Lupus were given a 4 year life expectancy, but now with 20 years of the disease the life expectancy is now 78%. As far as fertility, Lupus causes recurrent miscarriages due to blood clots. It's not something that I like to talk about often, but I've had 4 miscarriages that I'm aware of. The rheumatologist states that it's very possible that as far as conceiving Lupus may be my only hurdle (of course as long as the endo is under control) and that with treatment I should be able to conceive naturally and carry a pregnancy to term. That seems too good to be true! My pregnancy would be considered high risk and it would be a joint effort between a high-risk ob/gyn, rheumatology, hematology, and pulmonology. Over 50% of Lupus patients deliver their babies pre-term.This is all just some of the information that comes with Lupus and there is so much more to learn and know, but it's all a bit overwhelming to consume at once. So, where does this blog go? My Journey to Conceive with Endometriosis and Lupus? That's a mouthful. When I told my family about everything they were very scared and I just kept saying "it's going to be okay". My husband kept asking how I feel and I kept saying "I'm okay. I'm fine. It's no big deal" or something to that effect. But just between you and I, I'm scared! What is this going to mean for me? I always assumed that feeling crappy and my CONSTANT parade of doctors appointments would come to an end. Once it's under control how often will I have flare ups? How sick can I get? Am I going to die? I just need to remember to rein in my emotions because freaking out isn't going to help the situation at all.**For those that may not be aware, Lupus is an autoimmune disorder where your body can't tell what's good and what's bad and therefore attacks itself**
Most of the people in my life are aware of my ttc struggle and most are also up to date on where we are in the journey right now (doing IUI soon, blah, blah, blah). Therefore, I really didn't think anything of it when I posted the kitty and the bassinet picture (from my previous post) on to my facebook page. I just wanted to share the cuteness. It makes me smile! Apparently I should have thought of it because I got a bunch of comments on it along the lines of "Are you guys pregnant?", "Are you??", "WHAT THE!!!". Hmmm, okay, didn't see that one coming. I guess I should have. But really who honestly thinks that I would announce my pregnancy to my family via facebook? Oh well. Then I got a little sad. I really wish that was an announcement that I could make right now. That would just make my heart burst with unimagineable joy. It kind of took me by surprise too because, like I said, I'm in an okay place right now. Apparently the Lord got the message that I was at my emotional breaking point (I really, really was) and He decided to bless me with a heart of peace and faith. I've been okay with where I am right now and have had a sence of just knowing that it's going to happen for us one day. (Hopefully soon, right God, wink wink). So I'm having a minor set back today. It happens, right. I'm planning on thoroughly distracting myself today with studying for two major tests. But what I would really like to know is what you ladies do to distract yourself or take your mind to a more peaceful place when your heart is feeling heavy????
A little over a year ago (pre-endometriosis diagnosis) my neighbor was getting rid of her bassinet because her son was far too big for it and she was kind enough to give it to us. She keeps her stuff in phenomenal condition and it couldn't have been in better condition if it was brand new. Even though it had already been 2 years of trying, I hadn't seen the fertility doc yet and still had hope that everything was fine and that we would be expecting at any time. Soooo.... obviously this bassinet has been sitting there unused for over a year and my cats have now adopted it as their home. Now there is NO way I would ever put a baby in there, so I should just reclaim the space it's taking up and throw it away, but I don't have the heart. The cats love it so much! I guess I'll wait until we have to buy an actual crib. I'm such a sucker. Without further delay here is my species confused cat who thinks that he is a baby. Feel free to oooh and awww over my little bundle of joy.
I found this blog due to a post from one of my favorite bloggers Kandee Johnson. I have found myself unable to stop reading. Nie is the most inspiring and beautiful woman I have ever "met". She is 28 years old and a year ago she and her husband were in a plane crash that nearly took her life. After suffering from burns to 83% of her body, being in a coma, and being in the hospital for 5 months she is now recovering. What is so amazing is that after all of that she is still able to focus on her amazing husband, 4 beautiful children, and her love for the Lord. She is so beautiful and her writing is so soothing. If you are able I highly recommend that you check her out here.
