Before I became a Christian I was very bold and not always in a good way. What was on my mind I said and I had no problem with confrontation. This very often resulted in me saying things that weren't so nice... to put it nicely. Since becoming a Christian I have taken things to the opposite end of the spectrum and I think that I'm so afraid of being offensive that I don't stick up for myself and I keep my emotions in, allowing them to fester and grow, becoming a huge monster.
Neither of these scenarios is healthy. So our gracious Lord {I'm not being sarcastic} has decided that I'm ready to meet in the middle.To explain... I do believe that this person has a good heart, but I don't think they have that "filter" that most people have that allows them to think before they speak or at least word things politely. They are constantly telling me how to do things with Corb.en (this is annoying regardless, but is especially annoying because they don't have kids and don't have experience with them either) and the things that they say are completely unnecessary and make me feel like they think I don't know how to take care of my own child... AGGH! Then today they said something on another subject that just made my temper flare! I will admit that I did get a little 'tude, but I mainly kept my annoyance to myself and immediately sought council from other ladies. However, I do believe that this situation has gotten to the place where I need to do something. I feel the Lord stirring my heart and giving me guidance and wisdom. The Lord is allowing me to grow... and I'm fighting it. I'm feeling very angry and prideful. I don't want to do the right thing... I don't want to have a polite conversation with her... I don't want to be understanding. I want to yell and scream and tear her down. I know that won't help anything and it's not what I'll do, but it's hard. No transformation of self is an easy one. This has been a long road and the journey is far from over, but I know that in the midst of this struggle the Lord is here giving me an opportunity to gain wisdom, strength, and experience. I sure would appreciate any encouragement or advice from anyone willing to give it.
On another unrelated note, I mentioned it before, but I'm really thinking that endo is back and worse than before. The pain and bloat have been crazy. What's weird is that it's when I ovulate too, which I never experienced before. I'm trying to remain optimistic and just hope that this is "after baby stuff" (7 months later?) and that I'm not having to deal with this right now. Either way I need to go get checked out. :(
1 comment:
My ovulation pain and bloat is insane. I'm talking need pain killers it is so horrible!
I hope our endo stays away so that baby #2 can come into both of our lives at the perfect time!
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